Remorse
Ivar was born into a rich family. He has everything he wanted or desire. Ivar was like a prince in his family.
One day, Ivar mother told him to get some material from her best friend place, Ivar obeyed and went out to get the stuff.
On his way he met a beautiful girl from the neighborhood. The girl caught his attention. That was the first time Ivar saw a very pretty girl. The girl with dimples and brown hair attract Ivar.
Ivar was happy because he can freely go anywhere at that moment. Ivar walked up to the girl and started talking to her. He talked to her for a very long time and forgot what his mother sent him. When Ivar got home, his mother shouted at him for not doing what she sent him.
Ivar begin to fall in love with the pretty girl and made her his girlfriend. The girl's name was Jane.
Few years later, Ivar traveled abroad for a job in a big company. He wanted to stay with Jane, but Jane told him to go, so he can achieve his dreams in life. Jane promised Ivar that if he comes back, she will marry him.
Ivar got the job in a very big company. He was made the CEO of the company. Ivar came back immediately to look for Jane, but he didn't see Jane or hear from her.
Ivar was sad for leaving Jane behind and went to abroad. Why he wasn't with her.
Ivar later found out that Jane was dead. Cancer killed her, making her to have a short time to live. Jane has been keeping this away from Ivar, she never told him she has cancer.
Ivar was sad and weak, he weep bitterly for Jane's death. Jane's death killed Ivar's emotions. She meant everything to him.
Ivar was coming back from work, he lost concentration while driving and got involve in a car accident. He died instantly. Before he died, he felt the world has rejected him.
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This is such a sad story, @cryptofi. Ivar starts out with everything most people wish for, but he ends up despondent and disappointed in life. There are probably people who do live life with such despondency. Perhaps, if readers can take a lesson from your story, it is that people should be honest with each other. If Ivar had known about Jane's illness he might have spent some valuable time with her and would have felt less despondent at her death.
There are free online writing tools that can help you polish your pieces. I looked up one here: https://www.grammarly.com/grammar-check. If you run your text through this program you will get tips about spelling, etc. I have never used this program but have read about it.
Thank you for posting this story in the Ink Well community.Have you read and commented on the work of at least two other writers this week? (See The Ink Well community rules on our home page.) This helps our community thrive, and also makes you eligible to be chosen for a spotlight in our weekly highlights magazine. Thank you!
Thanks for the kind comments, I'm glad you liked it.
Hello @cryptofi,
Such a sad story. @mrnightmare.net also writes a story this week about someone dying from cancer. Although, yours is also about disappointed love.
I'm glad you continue to write and to explore your creativity.
Thanks for the comments, I'm glad you liked it.
As an afterthought, the picture is a bit gory for the community. Please find another that is less graphically bloody. Thank you!
I will surely do that, thanks once again.
😔😔 two lovers died
This is a sad and emotional story. I refuse to cry 😢😢, I just help it. A tear drop let out of my eye.
Beautiful story bro ❤
Thanks 🤗
Thank you for consistently supporting your fellow authors.
Deep love gives someone a deep emotion. It's hard to control especially when it's the first time. The love will explode like a bomb and when it fails. It can kill someone as well because of this bomb.
It's understandable how Ivar felt because it was his first time. Most of us agree with that. From the beginning it was obvious how Ivar felt towards to Jane. That's why it's obvious for someone who loved so much will end like this.
What a heartbreaking tale! I really feel for poor Ivar.
Thanks for the comments
Hi @cryptofi. Loss is a good topic for fiction. It can provide great insights into the meaning of life and existence, and give us the opportunity to do some soul searching. But in this story, we only see a picture of a dead hand and read that two people died. What is the point of a story about death, if nothing is revealed about life and humanity?
I would love to see you develop your storytelling abilities further. It all starts with character development.
See these posts about how to develop characters:
Also, see the recent newsletter from The Ink Well. It not only provides our guidelines, but also provides links to two posts with 100 short story ideas (none of which have anything to do with brutal death).
The Ink Well provides all the guidance you need to write interesting, high-quality stories. Good luck! And be sure to read and comment on other writers' work in The Ink Well community.
Thanks for the advice and comments. I will look forward in improving my storytelling.