Hell Awaits
Hey you. What are you up to?
The Good Lady came to stand with me at the window where I stood, staring at the slight double reflection of myself ghosting on the surface of the darkness beyond.
It was darker than the soul of a Steemit blogger outside. Gently, I huffed out a breath I did not know I had been holding in. Getting old is shit. I muttered grumpily. Oh behave yourself. You are still a young filly! The Good Lady slapped my rump as if I were a horse that she had just rode in on. Aye aye, but I am on the cusp. On the fucking cusp. I continued to stare out at the darkness. Somewhere in that murk were my hopes and dreams. Or maybe not because my hopes and dreams would have been burning in a big blazing bonfire and I am sure I might have noticed that towering brightness in the night. On the cusp of what you mad arse? She wormed a hand into the back pocket of my jeans as if she were a particularly shit pickpocket and proceeded to hang off of my arse like an unwanted pile. Getting fucking old. Old as fuck. Old as sin. As old as a mad old bastard with a grey beard's balls. I jerked my bum sideways to try and loosen her hand which was squirming about in my pocket like a tapeworm laying eggs. Her hand refused to be jostled. She rested her head on my shoulder. Oh dear. Is this because it's your birthday at the weekend? Have you got the birthday blues? She pushed her head against my chin in that annoying way that dogs with big heavy heads do when they smell your janglies and feel the urge to try and push them inside you with their nose. I don't have the birthday blues. I tried not to sound sulky but had my tone been any sulkier I would have been digging out a cat-piss-coloured shirt and duetting with Tammy Wynette.
*and that my friends is a very dark thing indeed
You know, I like to think of myself as quite a clean bloke but one of my friends has a dog that literally will not leave my happy sacks alone. I spend the entire time I am in his house pushing the fucking beast away from my knackers and trust me, I don't push many beasts away from those delights.
Aw, you totally do, you big daftie! It's only another year, come on!
She shook the hand which was still in my pocket, rocking my hips back and forth as if I were dancing in a Tarantino movie.
I know, I'm fine. It's all fine. It will be fine.
My lower jaw jutted out like someone with no arms digging their way out of prison.
Think of all the good stuff. The kids, the house we have... even little old me!
She forcibly spun me around to face her and smiled before planting a big kiss on my lips.
I thought about the things she had mentioned. It did cheer me up a bit. I mean, I had a roof over my head, and two potential income streams from my kids if I had to sell them to the New World Order if times got hard.
Then there was the Good Lady herself.
Maybe things weren't that bad.
It is only a number. Even if it starts with a fucking five.
Nice writting
Thank you old fellow! Perhaps we can exchange wanks behind the bike sheds later!
That will be amazing
Cool, you bring the cigarettes and I will do my best to get a hold of a dead cat
Please can we chat on discord here is my username. @mosesetukudo#6534
Of course! Let me put you on to my man Elbert.. He shall set you up with all you need.
Ok thanks
Hi. I'm Elbert.
Please hold...
People who comment with such vapid and vague compliments are typically perceived as sycophants. It's basically spam, not engagement or conversation.
The big 5-o? Nice. Happy Birthday. It is just a number but do people do anything special where youre from for when people turn 50?
Enjoy the weekend and your day.
I could never confirm which is the fivee it may be. A gentleman never tells :0)
But aye, cheers dude. Looking forward to much celebrating!
Haha well that's true. It could be either number. I never thought of that. I just assumed it was the big one. Maybe it's 35 or 45. Sorry if I over estimated. 😆
Oh no that's fine, I just try not to put too many identifying numbers on the chain because of the scammy bastards! You are on the right track!! 😀
Yeah I hear you. For the longest time I didn't even put a picture of myself on the blockchain. Lol.
I don't blame ya. I was never too worried about it at first until the crazies came!!
Gentlemen. Hmmph
Of the highest calibre!!! :0)
Sorry, bro,the NWO already think they own your kids. You need an alternative sales plan. Happy birthday, you daft git!
!BEER
Oh noes!! That was my retirement plan!!
Cheers mate! :0D
No need to worry, the NWO also has that covered! I hear there's some kind of programme for you, too. Y'know, those strange government things always have weird names. Lemme look it up.
Oh, right.
Soylent Green!
Haha, that takes me back!!
That will be the one!!
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @jacobtothe for you. Enjoy it!Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the
BEERKING.ah the birthday blues at least you made it to the years that begin with a 5, now your goal will be to get to the 6's and 7's :)
I used to think that would be an easy goal but I see people falling out of the race already!? 😱
I'm game though!!
Happy birthday day dear 🎈🎉. As time passes and a person grows older, a person becomes much wiser with it. When a person gets older, he will think once before doing anything, whether I should do it or not.
I like to think that I grow less wise as I get older. Which is good as I have never been fond of following a trend :0)
We all want our age to pass slowly, but in today's world, time passes very quickly.
It is a paradox that it passes so quickly and yet so slowly!
Yeah
I sincerely wish you to have a birthday full of infinite gratitude for your life, health, family, and friends, for being and being in these 5.... with his spectacular publications.
I have a birthday soon, and I'm over 6....and go ahead hahahah
It is one year less the same that age continues to give him the courage to live life in his own way and not in the way of what others want.
That's how beautiful it is! Happy weekend in the best rock'n'roll birthday style, Mr @meesterboom 🎸🎶🎼
You would never dream that for a second about you!
I hope you have a spectacular weekend too. I shall do my best to rock it! :O)
:O)
Heeeey...I see ain't no steammit soul was harmed there. 😂
Realized this shit when we all are grown up...used to be excited of getting old when were child.
Well, I'm feeeeeling too old at 20s already !LOL so, any advice is appreciated ser.
Haaaappppyyyyy Birthhhdaaay. Keep putting smile on our faces and stay blessed. Wen 6-----yk.
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I remember so desperately wanting to be a bit older each time it was a milestone birthday. Now I am like, fuck that
No advice here except live the life! :OD
You’ll enjoy it even more when it starts with a fucking six!
Fark, don't remind me!! I will probably be glad to make it to there!!
George Jones can also provide some motivation for dudes in your, situation.
Play that all weekend if you can, on repeat, really loud. Should help. Happy birthday.
Hahaha!! Cheers man. I shall make the house the George Jones zone!!
Maybe start with this one.
Bonus points if you can dance like that, at your age...
I audibly gasped when I read this line of horror!
I'm glad the prospect of child, er, asset allocation and hugs from the Good Lady helped reset your vibe a bit, it's amazing that you have been on this planet for that many decades, especially considering your friend's dog has been trying to turn you into a eunuch!
Persist and party hard my friend! Happy Early Birthday MB!!!
!PIZZA
Thank you milady!!
I could hardly write the words about the black hearted denizens of the dedchain! But I forced through it.
I shall be partying as hard as I can. I might even get a long lie or two if I am lucky! :0D
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Really a simple solution..just state that you are 49 years and an odd number of days (365) old. You wouldn't be lying??
On another note - about the kids..and income streams..and the
nwogovernment...how exactly would one go about that ? - asking for a friend!Truly.....Happy Birthday!!
49 and a bit. Yes, that will do nicely. Even when I am seventy odd I shall say I am 49 and a bit!!
Apparently you write a letter to the British royal family saying you have some promising young mice the men in black do the rest! :0D
ahaaa..duly noted
This made me smile
now does that make me a psychopath?
The big 5-0
I guess that's the new 40.
In all honesty, I think it sounds pretty powerful, a lot better than 40
said the 41 year
oldyoungster.Bloody youngsters, flaunting their youngster ages!!
Psycho!!! Will, I came hardly call you that as I wrote it. I must be double psycho!! :0)
Did you come when you wrote this? ;<)
sorry,troll mode initiated...
Bah! In a few years I'll be facing a really scary number. I don't feel like I should be this old, but sometimes the body reminds me. I can still beat a lot of the youngsters at parkrun though.
Getting older is inevitable. Acting your age is not! Better get on with some rock 'n' roll!
I intend to get on with as much rock n roll at I can. I truly believe it keeps you young!!
Beating the youngsters must feel quite satisfying.
In my head I'm still a young thing asked I think that's what counts :0)
Grow old disgracefully!
I fully intend to!
I congratulate you on your anecdotal story told with great grace and sincere dramatization. The years do not pass in vain. Cheers bro! long live @meesterboom
Than you very much! I hope they do not pass in vain!
Oh your birthday is here mate, Advance happy birthday, don't forget to buy a gift for your lady on your birthday as women wants gift at every location, no matter it's your birthday or her :D
I but ghosts for no one on my birthday! I am the gift receiver!! ;0)
What are you expecting as a gift on this birthday ?
Something guitar'y. I have enough of them but something to go along with that would be nice 🙂
Ohhhhh... to be an age that starts with 5 again.... dreaming
I hope you have a Happy Birthday weekend and remember, he who has the most birthdays.... WINS !!!
My older brother announced one year he wasn't interested in doing his birthday anymore and he pretended from then on out that he really meant it. What a party pooper because he is bound to know our family wasn't going to have any of THAT !
Unfortunately, he only go 60. I am beating him now by 6 years. What a loser !
No way you are never beating him by that much!!
I actually love the idea of he who has the most birthdays.... WINS !!!
I think that will be my new mantra!! :0D
Yeah.... and I hope I will beat him by a lot more than that too. LOL... One can hope !
I think that is a very good birthday mantra to adopt.
Oh... and of course everyone in the house needs to wait on you hand and foot the whole weekend. It's a law !... or something.... I think.
I have started with the everybody has to wait in me hand and foot nonsense already. As will as but it's my birthday weekend!?! Whenever I am asked to do something 🤣🤣
Ah... ok then, I see you didn't need any help from me on getting that started.
😂
🍺 🍺
🎉 🎉 🎉
Woot woot! Let the beer commence!
Don't think of it as a birthday.
Life is a game.
You are levelling up!!!
Congrats!!
Thats a fab way of looking at it. I am surprised I didn't think of it as I like to look at all other aspects of my life as a crazy kind of game!
Ah cresting the hill, are we? That's a fun one man! The good thing is, those that start with the 5 tend to be doing better than those who started with the 4 about 30 years ago so there's that to look forward to. You're less likely to die from drinking horse piss like Schlitz beer, god knows what was in that filth. Now you just have to make sure climate change and Greta the troll don't get you!
Happy birthday man, my wife's friends birthday is coming up as well. The lucky bastard had his birthday fall on Valentines day. Guaranteed sex, damn! Lol
Alright edit this one more time...
My neighbor has an awesome mindset that I've definitely adopted. He's not 76 years old when he celebrates his birthday, he's celebrating the 45th anniversary of his 31st birthday. I thought that was a fucking fantastic way to commemorate that, and will continue to use that for my future birthdays! Lol
Thats awesome, a great way to think about it! I have already decided to start celebrating my anniversary of an earlier birthday, That is the way to stay sane.
Oh man, Schlitz and the other horrors. Some of the horse piss that was about back in the day was just plain awful but when you were young you were like YEAH! THIS IS AMAZING< I'M DRINKING BEER!
So far from beer, lol!
Being 5 has its perks dude..like.i can call you uncle! Just kidding. But it does call for a mid life crisis! My bro in law just got himself a pizza oven for his mid life crisis. Guy has his priorities on par! But life is life, and we can grow old with grace or sulk. I reckon it's much more sexier admitting your age confidentially, then being ashamed and making a big deal. And if all else fails, look at madona, she really fucked up her face. And be rest assured that you will never fuck up that bad, even if you sell both the kids to fund your new face!
Happy birthday dude! Here's to all the best things finding you this year! !PIZZA
!gif birthday
Via Tenor
Uncle Boom! Hahahha.
MAdonna is a weird looking creature now. Half woman half bat. I think she should have had a bit less work and been a bit graceful about her age. There is no point trying to look as if you are in your twenties when you are a pensioner!
I am gonna be proud! Proud and graceful. All fuelled by plentiful beer, hhehe! !PIZZA
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I think that one day I will! :O)
Happy Birthday Boomster! You are still rocking even if you have a 5 in your birthday collection number 😉 Lol I love how you think about your asset collection although I have to wonder if the Good Lady is thinking the same for you 🤣
Have a good one bud, eat all the cake and donuts you can and have a good drink of choice.
Cheers lass!
Cake and donuts and guitars and beer are my order of the day :O)
I love these fives, I might get some more, lol!
Well, selling your children to the world order is really a great plan B... I hadn't thought of it, I have to get to work and make a couple too then eh eh!
Come on what matters is feeling young inside!
Then we are also young outside and all around, in the face of those who don't want to.
Your lady is right, it's just one more, nothing but a number
You are right, the inside is where the fun shines out from!
I think it was just a blip. I am fine with it actually. As long as I don't think too hard about the numbers that came before, lol!
But you don't think about the numbers that come first.
I don't remember who but there was someone who said that thinking too much hurts eh eh!
I do believe it does! Thats why I try to keep the thinking to a minimum!
Just wait til it starts with a 6 !!
That way lies doom!! 🤣🤣
nah! its brill lol
I hope you're having a great birthday weekend 🎁 Don't worry about the numbers, just enjoy life!
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LUV
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It is shaping up to be very good! Cheers mate!
Happy birthday! Try to take it easy on your liver this weekend. The recovery times aren't as short as they used to be. : )
Turning forty was absolute shit for me, I think just because I wasn't yet where I wanted to be in life. Fifty wasn't as bad, for some reason. My aunt (who's in her 80's) told me a few years ago that, save for a few aches and pains, she feels the same as she did in her 30's unless she looks in the mirror. Mirrors will soon be banned at the Walton residence. Lol.
I am all for banning the mirrors. The aches and pains of getting older are a pain in the chuff right enough. I do hope they plateau and don't escalate upward.
On saying that, yeah 40 was rough for me too. I wasn't ready for it but I think in the intervening years I have become quite chill about it all.
Dunno about 60 though. That will be crap!
Haha, the last time I was at the barber he basically told me it was time to just buzz the hair because it's getting so thin up front.
Forty was a bastard. I'm fairly goal oriented and for me I think it was mostly about my own expectations.
Sixty will probably be a tough one. I'll be 52 this June so I'll be finding out soon enough. Hope you enjoyed your birthday!
Ha ha ha 😂 🤣
Happy birthday ya Bad Mastard, I hope ya had the craic and a few of these 🍺 🍻 🍺 🍻
Just for future reference.. a filly is a female horse..
Except when it's a filly 'o fish 🤣🤣
Instead of counting years I started to count my blessings. (Or at least I do tell myself.) Sounds great, but I'm such a bad liar.
Anyway, happy birthday to you and may many more follow in good health and happiness, surrounded by your dear ones!
Cheers! 🥳🍻
That sounds like a fecking lovely bit of philosophy. I have recently taken to counting my own. There is a lot to be glad of and that's what counts.
Cheers mate!!
Not going to lie. North of 50 sucks more and more year by year.
I have to admit I thought investing in my kids would offer a payoff, albeit years down the line. I think they are on the cusp of the big job where they can start taking care of the old man, so I am still hopeful, but certainly have doubts too.
Sorry for the delay! I had a mad weekend lol.
It does suck, sucks big time. By the time my kids are in a position to maybe be in that position I will probably get papped into a care home!
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The good lady is very right, look at everything you have, your family, your children, a home where you can take refuge, age is relative, another issue is that there are people who at your age do not have many achievements, so don't worry , live each stage of your life , it is inevitable .
Hey, don't sell the kids :)
I promise Iwont sell them... yet ;O)
Haaaaaaaa , Thank you, I'm calmer now haaaaaaaa
Me too. But it's almost the weekend!! Hurray!
Aw... you're just a whippersnapper old man :D
Remember when we were in our twenties and we thought forty year old were old timers?
It's like that.
Just fuckin' enjoy it. Especially gettin' your nuts sniffed. Dogs are far better about being in the moment and having a good time than we humans are.
In fact, if you feel like laying on the ground and rolling around in the sunshine I highly recommend it! Learned from one of the best boys eva!
!LUV
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I totally remember that. I would be looking at the 40 year olds in da club and thinking, why arent they at home with their slippers on watching TV?!
I am wholly committed to it now and must say that I am enjoying it although I am enjoying it by just not fussing about it in y head.
I will still be shoving the dogs away from my nethers though!
Yeah... dogs are shamelessly persistent 🧐
When you don't shove them away anymore you are probably officially old.
So you're still good 👍🏻
It's a big one though. I hear you.
But it is also quite liberating in some ways. And beautiful in others.
Also. I can't wait to be able to whack people on the head with my walking stick and get away with it.
Things to look forward to :D
They really are. I don't mind that they like me but I don't want them thinking I'm easy meat! 🤪
You do have to have things to look forward to. Whacking people with a stick will be one of them. I will get the best stick I can!!
Well... there's that
And you are correct. 🧐
Right.
We begin with intrusive dogs and rolled up newspaper and move on to intrusive humans when we have our aim on point
And our walking sticks.
And now I'd like one with a hidden sword inside please. 👍 :D
Ever since the first rubbish movie I saw when I was young that someone pulled a sword from a cane I have harboured the ambition to own one. I mean really, can yo imagine the greatness!
I would literally be in jail for murder within minutes. Queue at the checkout in the local shop and someone tried to wedge in in front, boof SLAIN! Someone bumps into my shoulder on the street, boof... SLAIN! Old lady asks for directions.. SLAIN!! Dirty man down on his luck asks for some spare change... Arm chopped off then SLAIN!
So tempting.
Wow. You're a badass!
Moriarty all over 😬
You're hired 👍
I'd just whip it out, stand in that poncy fencing stance and yell "En guard!", randomly and unexpectedly.
And then smack 'em on the top of the head with it.
I'm a peaceful warrior, really... and a good laugh is the best way to win a battle, I reckon
That's why I try to keep my comedic chops up to scratch, I don't really want to languish in prison for the rest of my days fighting over the communal vape pen 🤣🤣
A vape pen sounds more than enough to warrant not getting caught. 😕
Also... prison got poncy and soft! Geesh.
I'm still smoking good ol' fashioned hardcore store bought fags. But then... I've looked death in the face and laughed so I'm gonna need to find a better motivation to quit. Yet again! And maybe one more time again... or not. Let's see now with what we know...
Also... please don't lose your sense of humour. 👍
My reading time would be far less enjoyable.
I don't know what it's like there but here vaping is huge!!! You rarely see anyone smoking fags these days. I tried vaping but didn't like it relative to smoking so rather than switch I quit. I was impressed with myself as I had quit so often in the past I was getting really good at it 🤪 this last time it stuck though.
Contrary to what they all say, I really did enjoy the fags!
I bet the jails are full of the vapes now, everybody fighting over the different flavours getting snuggled in gimme the Parma violets!! Lol