Regret But Forgive

Regrets!
Why didn't anyone tell me its gonna be the last I would hear from Jones
Why didn't he give me a sign?
How could he leave me like this without saying anything? What am I supposed to do without him? How am I to live my life now? Will I ever be able to forgive myself?
I know I shouldn't have argued or fight with him the night before the accident.

I was wrong for trying to prove unnecessary points and throwing tantrums.
Maybe I even killed him. What have I done?
Perhaps he wouldn't have gotten into that fatal accident had it been we didn't argue that night until he was pleading with me.
No! I will never forgive myself for taking Jones's life.
I am a murderer and now it hunts me even in my dreams.
I am so sorry Jones for doing this to you.
I am sorry for pushing you to your early grave.
I never meant for this to happen. It wasn't my intention and I never wanted anything bad to happen to you.
I can't believe the words "Go To Hell...!" actually sent you to hell.
I really didn't mean it. I am bitterly sorry Jones, I hope that your spirit will forgive me for the life I caused you.

Two years and I am still regretting the night I fought with Jones my ex-friend.
The feeling keeps hunting me down like just yesterday. I still couldn't forgive myself for what happened to Jones.
I have been wishing things took a different turn.
I wished I never had to argue with him or fight him.
I wished I didn't get necessarily angry over minute issues.
I wished I didn't walk out on him that night which led to his accident (I guess)
Every time I sit reminiscing this with so many regrets and bitterness in my heart.
I have had sleepless nights and I wish I could just turn back the hand of time and change everything.

It's not easy and I know it wouldn't be but after speaking with a friend Matt, who told me I needed to forgive myself, forget the incident and move on with my life, I hoped for a minute that I can and I was willing to give it a try.

I met Matt some months back after everything that happened, I shared my story with him and explained the incident to him.
He told me that it was just a mistake and that I shouldn't have taken it all out on myself like I did and I was still doing.
He encouraged me and spoke some words to me.
He talked to me about forgiving myself because Jones probably might have forgiven me a long time ago but I was just taking it too seriously on myself that I couldn't find peace of mind.
He needed me to be strong, always talk to God about the situation and help myself by forgiving myself and letting go.

Yes like I said it wasn't going to be easy and I was right anyway. I had a difficult time forgiving and forgetting but after a few weeks, I slowly started adjusting and telling myself that I have been forgiven even when at some point I got scared all over again and I kept worrying.
But with time, I was able to give myself a break from regret and self-blame.
I knew I did wrong and I was sorry but I needed to let go of it all and be myself again.
I did it at long last and I have never been the same again after that.
I was so thankful to Matt for coming my way and helping me see reasons why I should let God help me heal.
And since then, there was nothing like regrets again neither self-blame.
I found my peace all over again.

The End!

Have you ever been in a situation that you cannot just seem to forgive yourself for something you did wrong or something that happened by chance and you blame yourself for it?
Have you accidentally caused someone pain or even their life that you live in fear and constant regrets?

I want to remind you that it's okay but it's time to move on.
Yes, it is high time you forgive yourself, forget whatever happened, and let it go.
Let God help you heal and you will never remain the same again.
Don't be afraid to let go of your past.
Let it go because you deserve peace of mind.
You deserve to be happy again and free from the slavery of fear.
I hope you can forgive yourself for whatever mistake you had made in the past and begin a brand new life.
Yes, you can start afresh and I wish you all the best with it.

Still your baby girl ;)

To my faithful readers and wonderful sponsors, my heart goes out to you guys. Thank you for making my journey here a fun-filled and exciting one. Thanks for trusting and supporting my work too. I pray that God bless you all real good :)

21 July 2021

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