Mort the Shit Manager: 'Agnus'

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(Edited)


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Source: Image by @katharsisdrill

Mort, the Shit Manager is a spin-off fictional series of short stories based loosely on the thoughts of David Mortenson, the tyrannical Kwiksave store manager who features in my auto-biographical series 'The Horrors of Kwiksave'.

Other Articles in this Series:
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oppression Supreme'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Armchair Club'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Bloody Nose'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Fresh Cream'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oxidation'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Day Off'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Heat Machine'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Mandy's Curves'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Bribe'

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...'December 1979'...

...'WARNING - ADULT CONTENT'...

“Oooooooohhh”, sighed Mort, a little too loudly. The spoon had been appropriated from the canteen and was already bent from use.

The ladies' toilets were his favourite spot, an escape from that glass-encased office, the sniggering Sharon and her giggling tribe of checkout girls.

Mort was unsure whether he had managed to buy her silence. He could keep up the stony façade for a short period of time but was finding himself here only too often.

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If only Mandy was with me…, her and this spoon would make my life complete

But Mandy was not coming back and once again he would have to go home to his wife, a dumpy troglodyte of a woman who had more than a passing similarity to a female Joseph Merrick.

How had it come to this he thought, twisting the spoon ever so slightly which sent convulsions through his rectum.


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...'add some breasts and you are looking at the delighful... Agnus'...

His thoughts wandered and he recalled the time he met Agnus. He thought she was the most repulsive creature he had ever cast his eyes on, but then she had asked him for a date.

“Pffff, ehellloo sexxxy mann, let’ss shaggg”, Agnus had stammered out of a grotesque-looking mouth, complete with many whiskers.

It was the most romantic proposal Mort had ever been graced with, and despite his penile shortcomings, seeds had been sown behind a rhododendron bush.


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...the humble English Rhododendron bush, a common place to lose one's virginity'...

Mort has been conned into marrying this living horror by means of pregnancy and was then systematically robbed of his Kwiksave meagre salary almost before it hit his pocket.

Forcing that worthless Stock Lad @slobberchops to buy out-of-date cakes was a means to an end. He had to eat, and not more of those mouldy cakes.

Things were going to have to change thought Mort, he would establish himself as the Alpha Male at home…

"Mr. Mortenson…, are you in there?"

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The lilted voice of bad-toothed Sharon the Supervisor drifted over the toilet door and Mort froze like a statue, spoon half-turned.

How had she…..?

“Wash the spoon when you have finished, won't you Boss?", she continued not waiting for a response.

The footsteps drifted away, and was that a titter of laughter?


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Mort, the Shit Manager is a Serial Shitposting Fiction Story inspired by Torundel the Shitposter by @katharsisdrill, Ren du Lot, the Shit Lawyer by @vcelier and Nordlute, the Shit Sysadmin by @steevc.

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If you found this article so invigorating that you are now a positively googly-eyed, drooling lunatic with dripping saliva or even if you liked it just a bit, then please upvote, comment, rehive, engage me or all of these things.



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32 comments
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This is the first time I've come across a "Mort the shit Manager" story and I must say, it was... disturbing. 😆

I couldn't even look at the tooth photo 🤣

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It's a long arching series, I have resurrected. I only hope the real Mort never reads these, or he would be mortified.

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It seems like forever since we originally did these. You obviously still have a few twisted ideas to put out there :) I'm hoping this is not all based on your experiences.

I think I'd have to start a fresh story, but I've not got anything right now.

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Yes, it was long ago.. January 2021 was the last one. I feel I have gotten a little too focused on UX posts and need to stretch my imagination again. Past experiences? No... this is pure fiction and an outlet for my intense dislike of Mort.

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@slobberchops you knew it would be hard for readers not to think some of it are your personal experiences when you started, didn't you?😂

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The only thing real about this is the cakes he offered me at a discount rate that were out of date. I knew for a fact he pocketed the cash, the twat!

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damn, I wanted to start with something like this and never found the time.

Need to change this as I like this style of stories

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Go for it! People like stories.

!PIZZA

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Penile shortcomings...

Hehehe, I laughed!

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Indeed! It all came out long ago in Mandy's Curves. Did you know he was driven to tears when Agnus asked him for a shag? They streamed down his face like a raging river.

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Hi @meesterboom, here's a 23 year old boy who loves water sports who wants to wish you a happy start to the week, he was worried about you, he told me :)
A hug

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Ah, shit, really dark, if this is not one of the most disturbing things I've read in a very long time🤮🤮

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I have to intrigue you, there's no flowery stuff here... besides that bush that gets a little sprayed.

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Well,.I should be thankful I'm not the bush and move on.

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I have some spoons to wash...

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Can you bring yourself to ever wash one again, better get a new set!

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I have to think some of this to be a hair of truth in here. Nobody can make up stuff like this!

What a twisted dude.

On another note, I don't think you have become too deep in UX!! But, nothing will ever be like Kwiksave!

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Wait a minute… I think that's my spoon.

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It's nice to see Mort again.

It was the most romantic proposal Mort had ever been graced with

I don't remember his being quite this pathetic!

Runt Odel The Little Shit has taken offense at having been left off the list of fellow shitposters though. She always was a bit touchy on not being seen...

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Adult content start with rusted spoon!. I think Mort is not only shit manager but stinking too lolzz.

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