You can't always be in control (an insight to life)

Ever since I grew old enough to be able to identify certain things that I do that aren't right, I always try to fix them myself. So I first identify the problem and then work towards solving it, that is why I most times write about certain things that I've noticed and how I plan on going about the whole thing from then onwards. All those posts was me identifying and admitting that I'm not doing something right and also motivating myself to do better in the future.

A good example was when I talked about how I find it hard to communicate with strangers and how that was probably the reason why I don't have a lot of friends. That was me saying that I know the problem was from me (and not from people not wanting to associate with me), and then I had promised myself to try to talk more to people, that was me bringing forward a solution, one that I really haven't perfected yet to be honest.

Anyways the reason why I'm doing all of this explanation was because about some few months ago, I had made a new friend, a lady friend. But this was one of those friendships where you know that it wasn't going to last long, not because you didn't like that person enough, but because something about that friendship just felt temporary, something that I just can't quite explain but I will try.

Take for example that there's this important exam that you have to write for you to go to college but unfortunately your current school doesn't take that exam, so you have to go to a different school that is miles away just to write that exam and then return back to your school for a year before going for college.

But when you go to take that exam (that probably lasted for a month), you made a friend there, one that lives close to that school, the same school that is far far away from where you live and your current school. Without being told, you just know that no matter how good that friendship might feel, it won't be lasting for long, especially when you're still a kid and still depend on your parents to give you transport fare to go sit for the exam everyday.

Well, that was how I felt when I first met this lady friend and I caught on to the feeling quickly. I knew the friendship wasn't going to last long, that was me identifying the problem, so I had talked to her about it, hoping that me being open about something that felt inevitable was going to change it, that was me working towards a solution, a solution that failed because I soon came to find out that in situations like this involving two parties, the two of you have to be dedicated to wanting to make it work for it to work.

Sadly, we ended up growing apart and I feel this was because I had been the only one who was blessed with the foresight to see the separation coming, and due to the fact that she didn't see it (even though I had told her), she didn't take any of it seriously.

The whole thing reminded me about a post I had made talking about taking charge and being in charge of the narrative and although I still believe in what I wrote on that post, this experience gave me a second view at things. It made me understand that sometimes, even when you do take charge, there are certain things that we just can't control.

_{Photo by Sivani Bandaru}