The Mood that Swings
I've written in the past about how I would occasionally have this urge to want to disappear. It's a feeling I've come to find out doesn't only happen to me because I've spoken to my friends about it and they too have admitted to feeling that way every now and then, the only mystery thing is that we can't exactly pinpoint why we keep feeling that way... No one can really tell if it's signs of depression or just moodswings.
Anyways, a few days ago, I got hit with my biggest moodswing/depression yet and as usual, it taught me a very vital lesson.
If I remember correctly, it was a Sunday evening, that day, myself and my friends had gone over to celebrate with another friend of ours who just opened a new hair saloon. Everything was going great until we got back home and all of a sudden I found myself no longer happy for no reason.
All of a sudden all I wanted to do was just disappear and be alone because I suddenly felt like the people in my life were the reason for whatever problems that I was currently experiencing. But because this wasn't exactly my first time feeling this way, I decided to go sit with friends outsid because I felt they would help in one way or the other to change my mood.
When that didn't work, I went back inside and this time decided to call people who I considered to be my really close friends. This was probably where I learnt something from because when I called these people, they all answered the phone like they normally would and as usual, were saying stuff that they usually would say to me, things I normally would laugh at or joke about if I was in my usual state of mind.
But I wasn't, so I took everything at face value, every insult that they probably said as a joke felt like a real insult. Even when I told them that I wasn't in my usual mood, they had laughed at me, usually this was something normal, something we do all the time, but this time it felt like they really were laughing at me, like they were mocking me.
This made me realize how sometimes, I could be joking with my friends as usual, laughing at their problems like we usually do, not knowing that they truly are going through some shit and need someone to be there for them.
Anyways, after I was done with the last phone call, I felt enough was enough, no one cared about me, so I went ahead and deleted more than seventy percent of the numbers on my phone. This included numbers of people that I haven't seen in years and probably will never see again if we don't connect on phone.
At the time, I was doing what my brain was telling me to do, I even deleted my siblings number, it was that crazy.
Sadly, the same feeling had carried on till the next day and I had isolated myself from everyone else, making sure to remain indoors and only come out when I absolutely needed to. Luckily for me, I started to feel a lot better two days later, and now I feel I'm back to my usual self...
The only difference now is that I've lost more than half of my contacts and many of these people don't have mutual friends with me that I could go meet to get the number back.
I guess now I really will dissappear.
Lol, you can't disappear, most of the time people don't really study the mood of people or even take notes of some simple details, you can't blame your friends, they are probably thinking it's cruise as usual, but sometimes you just need to open up to your friends or siblings, let them know what or How you are feeling, you would be so surprised how supportive they could be
Disappear in this context was ne wanting to be alone in a place where no one knows me.
And I honestly don't blame my friends for the way they behaved because like I said, it was normal. I just wasn't in the right mood for it.
Oh I get now, it happens sometimes
Just cheer up, everything would be just fine sir
Do you think yourselves superior among your peers? It's because I have noticed some people think themselves as superior face such situation. I don't know the exact reason. Just trying to relate.
In my case, sometimes I want to be lonely for no reason also but I never want to be disappear. I just need a peaceful place to think about me.
No I do not.. Although I'm curious as to why you asked this.
Disappearing in this case also means being alone, although I wanted to go to a place where no one knows me because the last thing I wanted to do feeling that way, was to talk to anyone.
I mean nothing serious about it. I have seen some people around me who think of themselves as superiors but helpful to others. When they get hurt from others even if after helping they feel they can be a lonely warrior and try to maintain distance after getting hurt for a temporary time.
You have a kindful heart and you try to help others as well as I know. That's why I asked the question.