The Loneliness Paradox
I finally figured it out.
Earlier today I was having a conversation with a friend about ways to meet new people and interact with them, and as usual, he had recommended chatting online..an obvious method that for some reason seems to be very difficult for me to do because I tend to not even know what to say and most times, I end up losing interest along the way for no reason at all.. It's almost as if I'm just too lazy to type, and that's very funny because all I do all day is type on my phone.
So you see, when I say something is wrong somewhere with me, I'm not exaggerating. What's even more crazy is the fact that I've been in situations where my friends come to me to help them continue a conversation they were having with someone online and I end up doing an amazing job for them, one of them even ended up dating, and she had no idea that her boyfriend wasn't the only one behind the keyboard during their talking stage.
One thing I realized though is that the reason why I always seem to be in my best form online when helping my friends out is because there usually isn't any fear of saying the wrong things to the lady at the other end of the phone, because even if I do say something wrong, she wouldn't know it's from me, she would think it's from the other guy who she's suppose to be chatting with.
So knowing that tends to give me the freedom I need to play around with words, joke around than usual and just do things I normally wouldn't do, whereas when it's my phone, my account and my conversations, I tend to be overly careful because I know that the moment I mess up, I won't be able to look you in the face the next day if I do see you.
And I know what you guys would say, to be free and have fun, but what I didn't tell you guys is that sometimes that doesn't always work out well when I do it for my friends and there have been times where that person at the other end of the phone ended up not talking to them anymore just because I made a joke that wasn't funny to them, or I said something I shouldn't have.
So the way I see it, it's either I take the risk and be more free with my conversations online and just deal with whatever consequences that comes with it, or I choose to be super careful and still end up having no friends because that has proven never to work.
I think I need help.