Setting The Rules

The number one mistake most people make when getting into something new is not setting the rules from the onset but waiting to make the rules as things progress.

_{Photo by Markus Spiske}

Let me put it out there that there absolutely is nothing wrong with making the rules as things progress because depending on the situation, new things tend to come up, things that you probably didn't foresee and so you have to make new rules to accommodate those new things, that is fine. But there are certain rules that just has to be there from the beginning because these rules kinda like sets the foundation of how the whole thing progresses.

For better understanding of what I'm talking about, I will give you an example of the time when I used to have a roommate. Myself and my roommate back then had known each other for over a year before we decided to become roommates. As boys, we didn't think there was any need for any rules, we both just felt like doing whatever we wanted but as time went on, we both began to irritate each other with certain things that we were doing, although none of us were doing it on purpose.

We both were just acting the way we normally would act at home not knowing that just because your family is cool with you acting in a particular way, doesn't mean someone else is also cool with it. So one day I had called for a meeting and we both had made up some rules, this rules were not there to make one of us superior to the other but it was created to ensure that we both lived peacefully together.

I remember I had volunteered to clean the room everyday while he volunteered to always do the dishes. Back before we had that agreement, we both were doing the one day on and off with the cleaning and also the dishes. So when he does the dishes today, I will have to clean and then the next day I get to do the dishes and he gets to clean. But then I noticed that on days where he is to clean, he does that just in the morning and when I come back from school and the whole place is messed up, asking him to clean the place again always felt like I was ordering him and we both would almost fight about it because he doesn't like being ordered around and to me, I wasn't ordering him, I was just asking him to do what he was suppose to do.

So having to make those rules that left the cleaning of the whole room as my responsibility made it easier for me to always clean the place whenever I felt it needed to be clean and although he only did the dishes once a day while I clean more than twice each day, I never felt cheated because I knew it was my responsibility.

The whole rule thingy changed the game and we both lived together in peace, unlike our neighbours who were girls and fought almost everyday because one of them didn't do the dishes.

We had a couple of more rules that we made, rules like when a guest can sleep over and when they cannot and that whole thing just helped grow our bond and we never fought for one day, at least not because of something that has to do with our room or chores.

So yeah, when going into something new with someone, always ensure that there are foundational rules.. You don't have to be strict and it doesn't exactly have to be viewed as rules but as an understanding between you and that person.

_{Photo by Ave Calvar}