Scars Of The Past

My morning rest had been interrupted by a not so pleasant call. Usually when I get calls in the morning, it's usually from two people, my Dad or Bruno. They both happen to be two people in my life who wakes up very early in the morning and always wants my opinion on something.

So imagine how surprised I was when my phone rang and it was neither of this two, it was someone else, someone who probably has only called my cellphone five times since I gave him my number three years ago, it was someone who lives downstairs in the same hostel as myself.

This guy, who I actually do not classify as a friend but rather as just someone that I know, had called me that morning to ask for a favor. If I was about to end the call, the fact that he needed a favor piqued my interest, it's not everyday you get to wake up to two abnormalities, the first being the fact that he called me and the second is him wanting a favor. So at this point I was interested to hear what he wanted to say, not because I wanted to help but because I needed to know, just like you guys need to know, right? Lol.

Anyways he had gone ahead to ask for a favor, one that if he had asked for a year ago, my answer would have been a blunt no. He had told me about a sister of his that was on her way to his place but he wasn't at home and needed me to go help pick her up and take her to my room to wait for him until he returned, she also had a baby with her.

Now the reason why if this was a year ago I would have said no to him was because I'm someone who is big on personal space and if you're not someone I'm comfortable in being around with, I don't want you in my personal space, especially not for six hours.

_{Photo by Ioana Cristiana}

Unfortunately, a friend of mine had asked me for a similar favor about a year ago. His dad was sick around that time and he had asked me if I could go stay with his dad for at least an hour, just so he (my friend) could quickly rushed to town to go get some drugs for his dad. His dad had been in and out of the hospital during that time and it just felt like old age was finally getting to him and his family were just trying to buy him as much time as they could before he passed.

So I genuinely was scared. Crazy thoughts began to go through my mind. "What happens if my friend leaves and then the man just stops breathing? What should I do if he starts coughing badly and needs help?" these and many other thoughts had gone through my mind that day and due to how scared I was, I had told my friend that I couldn't do it.

I told him not to be upset and that I was scared. I felt really bad for him but my fear was a lot more stronger than any other emotion I felt that day, so he had left to go get someone else to help watch over his dad and then some few months later, the man died. And that was when the guilt of me not helping him out when I could have came over me greatly and I remember feeling so bad about it that I felt ashamed of myself for what I had done.

Well that whole experience was what made me agree to help this particular guy today, and though his situation wasn't as serious as that of my friend, I still felt like this was me taking the right step in redeeming myself. But then the moment I took the lady and her kid into my room, the whole personal space feeling came rushing back at me and suddenly I felt like this was a bad idea.

Unfortunately, they were already here and there was nothing I could do about that, so I did the only I knew I could do, I went outside to go sit there. But it didn't take long before I began going on errands for her and her kid, I had to help them buy stuff like food because my neighbor was taking too damn long to come back from where ever it was he went to.

Eventually about six hours later of me sitting anywhere but inside my room, he finally arrived and came to my room to pick them up and I remember how happy I felt having the whole room to myself once more.

I know that I do want to redeem myself because of what happened, but I seriously don't think I can survive anyone else coming into my personal space anymore. I'd have to look for another way to do that.

_{Photo by K. Mitch Hodge}