Scars from the past
We all know that when it comes to the matters of the heart, things can be fragile. I mean, no matter how tough we always try to appear on the outside, not everyone has got a strong heart, many of us are just soft and fluffy on the inside.
The other day, a friend of mine was telling me how jealous he got during his last relationship because his girlfriend (now his ex) did things that hurt him and made his whole experience with her a hurtful and regretful one. He said there were nights where she would go out and hangout with "friends" without really telling him anything about it and when he asks her about it the next day, she would blow off the whole thing as if it was nothing and when he gets angry, she would come up with the whole "you're exaggerating" conversation and that would be the end of it.
They ended up breaking up because the relationship was a toxic one, probably the most toxic I've ever seen in a long while. Things like this is what gives me second thoughts when it comes to dating and being in a relationship. You see, I'm so scared of getting hurt emotionally by anyone that my mind has automatically put up a shield around my heart to make it almost impossible for anyone to hurt me.
Now I'm not saying I can't love, I can one hundred percent. But you see, I've come to realize that because I have this defence mechanism in place, I tend to read too much meaning to things and then I end the relationship the moment I perceive that something is out of place. Of course you can say that is me being insecure and that it's a huge red flag, both of which I actually agree with, but sadly that is the only way I know to keep myself safe from getting hurt.
And although it's been years since I last got my heart broken, I still remember reading that text message from my ex, telling me about how she never truly loved me and was only with me because she and her boyfriend at the time were having issues and that they both were back together, so she wanted nothing to do with me.
That scarred me, although I didn't know how much damage that text had done to me at the time. Now I find myself defending when no one is really attacking, and every relationship to me now feels like a time bomb waiting to explode in my face, so I go ahead and just press the button, activate the bomb myself, because now I would rather be the one to end things than get another text from someone's daughter telling me why she thinks we should break up.
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STOPOh wow. You'd have to give yourself some slack eventually though.
I understand totally what you're going through because I used to do the same. But, in the end, we'd still have to open up at one point in time to let someone in.
Yeah I know that.. I'm just not ready yet
Some experiences can alter how someone handle some issues. Every relationship requires concerted efforts and trust. The challenge is to identify the person deserving of the trust. I believe when you get to meet that special person, she will show the other side of love that is heartwarming and everlasting.
I hope so.. The sad thing is that you have to trust them first.. Kinda like taking a leap of faith and hoping that they deserve it.
It is just like that, some past time is such that whenever a person remembers it, there is more trouble in a person's life.
Yeah.. Past experiences can cause some damage when we remember it.
I understood about relationships mostly to see others and I could understand the feeling of others very well. I was never in love but I have grown a defensive mechanism. I think I am lucky because my heart never broken by others.
Well get ready for some heartbreak when you eventually get into a relationship 😂