People Should Have Secrets

When people talk about someone having secrets, they say it in a way that makes it sound like a bad thing (although it can be bad, it all depends on the secret) but in reality that should be a normal thing. As a matter of fact, I am of the opinion that as a human being, no other human being should know everything about you. And the reason I say that is because it's too much of a security risk, even if you have nothing to hide. Because people change, and the last thing you want is someone who knows all of your secret becoming your enemy.

_{photo by Kristina Flour}

Also, I know this topic can be a controversial one and many of you might end up disagreeing with me in the comments but when I say no one, that also includes your spouse. And no, just because your partner keeps certain things hidden from you doesn't necessarily mean they're cheating or about to, like I said, it doesn't necessarily have to be something bad.

And to be honest, it's crazy I'm the one saying all of this because growing up, I used to be of the opinion that when I do begin to date, I would tell my partner everything about me. At first, it felt like the right thing to do, until I did it and discovered that the moment there's nothing new about you any more, something we Nigerians call “see finish” comes into play.

And this is basically when your partner no longer gets intrigued by anything you do because they believe they've seen it all, but like in an annoying kind of way.

Also, I came to realize that whenever I got into arguments with my then girlfriend, she would always use some of the things I told her about myself, against me. And she does this for two reasons, the first being because she's angry and the second reason being that she knows she can't hurt me physically by fighting with me (because I obviously would win), so she makes use of her words and the only thing she can say to get to me would be things that I told her when I was feeling vulnerable.

And I know a lot of you would say that not everyone does this, but anger is a very powerful feeling, one that makes you do things you might end up regretting later, but just because you regret it doesn't change the fact that you said what you said and that the damage has already been done.

Also, I've seen and heard a lot of stories of how women walked out of relationships due to the fact that their men decided to be vulnerable to them and really open up and tell them what they're going through.

So yeah, I'm obviously talking from a male point of view because I am a man, and I've seen the many disadvantages that come with not keeping certain things about yourself to yourself, even when your partner asks what's wrong.