Not an Introvert

_{Photo by Ahmed Nishaath}

The other day, my dad sent this very long write up about the importance of going out and not being indoors every day and I remember I almost replied that he's actually the reason why I don't go out because he was strict about those things while we were growing up. He would always punish my older siblings whenever they went to the beach or some other place without informing him but whenever they tried taking permission from him to go out, his response was always no.

So me being the quiet, obidient and observant child I was, I saw all of these things and decided it was safer to stay at home. I remember during family meetings, my dad would always praise me for not being one to walk about aimlessly. He would always say that he likes the fact that if he leaves me at home, he always comes back to meet me at home, which honestly was true but it wasn't entirely by choice. I just was scared and didn't want to be at papa's bad side.

But now that I'm older, I've come to realize the damage that has done to me. I find it really hard to go out these days and even when I do find the courage to do that, I can't go alone. I find comfort in people going with me because it makes me feel safe. Earlier today I was talking to a friend about going to this very popular place (I don't want to mention the name of the place because I feel embarrassed that I haven't been there even at this age), and he had been kind enough to direct me on how to get there.

But even though I understood his directions and could find that place myself, the thought of going there alone was scary to me, so I ended up begging him to accompany me there whenever I'm ready to go.

The strange thing is that I never really saw this as an issue until I started to read the different blogs on mental health and I honestly don't know if this is related to mental health or not (hence my reason of not making this post as part of the contest), but I do know I'm kinda messed up somewhere up in my head and I do hope to get it fixed really soon.

And I think I'm getting there because the first step of being free is admitting to myself that I wasn't born an introvert, I was made into one and I can get out of it.

I guess at the end of the day, the message I'm trying to pass is parents, don't be too strict on your kids and make them stay indoors, you might end up doing them more harm than good.