No rules no manual

_{Photo by Oziel Gómez}

Earlier today (some time around 2pm), I was having a chat with some guys at my hostel and we basically were chatting about relationships and some of the guys were talking about things they would and would not tolerate in a relationship.

Mind you, these are people who basically grew up in the village here in the east and are not that exposed, so their way of thinking is basically the deep African way of thinking where they believe that when it comes to the kitchen, it's the ladies job to take care of it and that it's also her duty to handle her husbands laundry and all that.

Now speaking from an African perspective before all of this wokeness happened, things like that were seen as the norm and no one would question you about it but then social media happened and now everyone could see how the western live their lives, and so we tried to adopt it and the rest was history.

Anyways, these guys were basically talking about things they wouldn't allow their girlfriends do and then all of a sudden they all turned to one guy and started to mock him because every one knows he likes to help his girlfriend wash her cloth, even her undies. He enjoys helping her because he's a nice guy and the guys at the hostel enjoy mocking him from time to time because they think he's a finished man.

As usual, being the introverted guy that I was, I stood and watched and not say anything, not because I had nothing to say but because I always find situations like this to be interesting and amusing because I like to watch closely to see the person being mocked or talked to go through a process in his or her head, a process where they get to believe that whatever advise it is they're getting is the right one but just as they're about to succumb to the pressure, I will pop out my tiny little head and bring them back to reality.

So of course I watched as the guys not only convince him but also confused him but just as he was about to crack, I came to his defense. I immediately made the guys understand that when it comes to relationship, there isn't a rule out there for anyone to follow. As a man or woman, you should know better than to try to copy what other people do in their relationships and that is because when it comes to relationships, although there are no rules, we should all know to do what works for us and never believe everything people say to us.

I've seen a lot of guys who claim to be beasts outside but the moment they're indoors with their partner, they look like a tamed animal, a wet dog with its tail in between it's legs.

I had said all of that (excluding the beast and dog part of course) to these guys, saying each word as calmly as I could because I've learnt that when you say things calmly with a strong voice, people tend to pay attention to you even if you don't know what you're talking about.

But at the end of the day, the message I had passed was a straight and simple one, do what makes you happy.