Let the past stay in the past
Whether we all agree or not, there are certain things that I feel should be kept secret from everybody and taken to the grave with us and that is because I believe that there are some truths that do not permit themselves to be told, and it doesn't matter if that truth is no longer relevant and in your past.
About an hour ago, a friend of mine was telling me about how telling his girlfriend his past was the greatest mistake he made in his relationship. Apparently he used to be a playboy but had stopped for about a year before he eventually met his current girlfriend.
And in the spirit of being one hundred percent honest with her (because he had promised himself that his next relationship was going to be an honest one), he had told her something that I believe was none of her business, his past. Now the reason why I say the past wasn't any of her business was because telling her something like that was going to do no good and plenty of damage.
And why would anyone want to do that? It's almost like an assassin who retired from the job about ten years ago, deciding to tell his wife that he used to be a killer and has killed over a thousand people. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being honest, but the moment you decide to open up your past to people, then you should be prepared for whatever consequences that comes with it.
Because telling someone that you used to be a killer, is you literally telling them to run away from you and when they eventually do that, you better not cry but should man up and be prepared to be alone for the rest of your life. I know some people tend to tell people about their past because that way, some kinda burden gets lifted off their chest and that's understandable if you used to be a killer, but the same thought doesn't apply for a retired womaniser.
And now, due to his "sincerity" his girlfriend now has a leverage against him, one that she never hesitates to make use of whenever they're having even the slightest of arguments and it's driving him crazy because whenever she brings it up, he shuts up and doesn't have anything to counter back.
I'm pretty sure the next relationship he gets in, he would keep his mouth shut and would leave the past where it should be, in the past.
And just for clarity sake, wanting to be open to your spouse or partner is a good thing, but bare it in mind that not every partner is the kind who understands that your past is your past and should leave it at that. Some of them would use it against you in the future and unless you're ready for that battle, leave your past in your past, as long as you're sure it's in the past and won't come to hunt you in the future.
I can understand your view point and I think it's good not to reveal all the truth of the past. But I believe that nobody can hide the truth and somehow the truth reveal in different ways and it just a matter of time. Again if your friend hide the issues he might lose the trust if the truth revealed by others. Moreover, changing habits is not so easy. We can see the incident from different perspective. You are taking the side of your friend because of friendship but if you were the friend of that girlfriend you may see it from different perspective and may taken her side also.
I understand what you're saying but it seems you're misunderstanding my point. I'm not saying that you shouldn't tell your partner your past if you want to. All I'm saying is that unless you have to, your partner has no business with your past.
Him telling her that he used to be a playboy was going to be a disaster from the start and it's something he should have known.
In that case, it's the consequences of his past actions but I agree that one should not be blamed for their past. Unfortunately, people blame others for the past, and in the case of your friend, it's the thing.
Nothing to worry I also understand your point. I am just trying to see it from a different perspective.😅