It's Good to Be Selfish
People always make a big fuss whenever they hear about someone putting themselves first like it's a bad thing. Sometimes that person ends up apologizing just because he or she now feels like they did something wrong or that they were being selfish. I used to be those people back in the day but not anymore. Now I know that sometimes, it's good to be selfish and that unless it's your family or someone you know who will do the same for you or has done the same for you, you should always think about yourself first before doing anything for someone.
I'm not saying you shouldn't help people when they need your help but before you do, make sure you think about yourself first. If helping that person will inconvenience you in a way you don't like or probably affect you in some way then you simply shouldn't do it. Don't go ahead and try to please them only to get yourself in some kind of trouble. And this is because most of them will likely take the same decision if they were in your shoes. And no, I'm not saying to pay back evil with evil (even though I don't think there's anything wrong with that), I'm just saying you should think about yourself first because why will you make yourself unhappy just to make someone else happy? Why? Who are they that they deserve such happiness more than you do?
Now I know that it might seem like there's a lot of hate in this post (maybe there is) but up until few months ago, I was a man with a completely different kind of mindset. I always tried to help out in whatever way I could irrespective of if it was going to inconvenience me or not, but a friend of mine did something to me some time this year that completely changed me and my mindset. What he did actually taught me two lessons, the first one is to learn how to smile with someone even if all the veins in your body is threatening to pop out because you're holding yourself back from attacking that person, then the second one is to always think of myself first because people will do the same if they find themselves in such situation.
I made a post about it when it happened (so I really can't tell the story in full again) but the summary of the whole thing was that a friend was in need of my help, he called and even though I had some very good reasons to say "sorry I can't help you" I tried all my possible best to make sure that friend got all the help he needed and then three weeks later, after he was well-off due to the help I rendered, I found myself in a situation where I needed his help too and he just turned into a stranger.
It was so shocking because I've only seen things like this in the movies and never thought I would witnessed one real life. Well I found a way to solve my problem without his help and I learned how to put up a smile on my face whenever he's around. He's still my friend, and he knows that I was offended by what happened but he thinks that I've forgotten and gotten over it. I haven't, and now that I know the kind of person that he is, I now know how to behave when he's around. One thing is for sure though, I'm definitely never helping him with anything again.
And yes, I know it might seem like this post has some certain kind of bad vibe to it compared to my usual posts, well I guess you can say I am pained but then if all of this had not happened, I wouldn't have known that there was nothing wrong in being selfish.
Hey prayz, I stopped by to let you know you are going through a life's phase. What you said is completely normal behaviour but the wording you used is miss leading for your own self. Making a priority list and being selfish is different.
Also, if your one friend did bad with you, it doesn't mean you should stop trying to helping others.
When we help others or do good, it's for our own soul and not for expecting any returns. It's completely normal to say No, but you should also turn your chi into positive auro for you and people around you.
I believe your this attitude is not selfish. It's just how you pick and choose in life about who to help and who not to based on biased opinions and feelings, usually emotions. You are a good soul and keep helping others with pure heart without expecting any returns.
When you make your heart pure, the same person might not help you but others will observe this and might help you. Also, being positive in life is very important. It will help you in ways you will realize later in life with experience.
!1UP for sending you my blessings. I believe you are just double minded about who you are and what you want in life. I have a busy shedule these days but if you need a ear to feel better, I will manage time and you can throw your crap bucket at me to feel better. Sometimes all you need is a 1-1 listener session to solve double minded inner fights with your own self.
In addition, I boosted this post with 300 ecency points.
When I was writing this, I also thought about this too. Yes I agree with you, we shouldn't expect something in return when we're helping someone but that doesn't mean it would make it less hurtful when someone we gave a lot for ends up doing us wrong.
And also, I never said not to help anyone. I only said not to displease yourself just to please someone.
The message I'm simply trying to pass is that there's nothing wrong in putting yourself first.
I get that the title of the post might be a bit misleading but the aim of the title is to get people to read the post and then when they do, they will understand that I'm not just blindly asking everyone to be selfish, I'm just saying that there might come a time when you have to and you shouldn't feel shitty about it when that time comes.
And thanks for the gifts brother.. I appreciate 🙂.
I believe you are just double minded about who you are and what you want in life. I have a busy shedule these days but if you need a ear to feel better, I will manage time and you can throw your crap bucket at me to feel better. Sometimes all you need is a 1-1 listener session to solve double minded inner fights with your own self.Please reconsider this.
You write too little but alot of wired are messed about in your brain related to this topic. Not writing something doesn't mean, I can't understand unwritten words.
Okay but I want you to answer a question though.. Is there anything wrong in putting yourself first?
Making a priority list to manage time is fine. We live for others only. The person who only lives by himself is not worth living (mentioned in one of my blog, invest in your future (money excluded)). We feel motivated and get more energy to work when we are protecting some one or standing for something dear.
In short, NO!
Alright, thanks.
we live for others right.... but it should be for those who truly care about us, those who will go extra miles to make us happy too, not for the ungrateful ones
If that gives you happiness and strength to help others, helping them is fine too. I sometimes help people I really don't like and most of the time it's worth it. They change in the end. :)
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I see no hatred in your words at all, you are dishing out the fact, we have so many users in this world who are not ready to give back and going full length to help people like that is like making a fool out of ourself, it is okay to help them if it wont affect us but pushing ourself beyond our limit to help ungrateful people is a no no!.... I stand with you my man✌️
Exactly brother, I'm happy you understand what I'm saying. Sometimes, we need to get the same energy we're giving out unless we lose the motivation to keep on doing the good work we're doing.
Someone who's a good person but keeps on getting shit on by everyone else will surely get upset one day and change.. So in other to remain good, we also need some good in our lives.
Sometimes people have no options but to be "selfish", that's what the others should try to understand every now and then. Sadly, they're just too busy focusing on themselves and their own needs and wants.
Exactly what I'm trying to say brother.. There are times when we have to be selfish and think of ourselves first.
It's just too much for some people to understand, I guess. Better to maintain distance from such people; if they have to be a part of your life, and you a part of theirs, then it'll happen effortlessly, no questions asked.
I feel your víbe bro and it hurts more when the people we place high begin to do terrible things to us.
Like I said in my post that humans are very unpredictable and knowing this would keep your heart guided. I know how you feel about him not putting the same energy you're putting into your friendship but it is the best when we choose to let this go because if you don't, it would only make you harbor hate for him whenever he's around.
This is correct but we have to tell ourselves the truth, we can't always be on guard for everyone. There are people we just expect to be there for us.
A good example is your siblings.. You expect them to be there for you and you probably trust them with your life but haven't there been cases where siblings betray each other?
That's what I'm saying bro. There are certain people we naturally don't expect them to turn their back on us and when they do, their betrayal hits us the most.
That's right, we absolutely do not expect some things to happen to us especially from some humans, and when we eventually do, we get really hurt.