I promise I'm not a bad person

_{Photo by Claudio Schwarz}

I was reading through the Hive Learners contest topic today and I usually do this thing where I make sure to not read the topic until I'm ready to write because my brain has a way of just coming up with really creative ideas about things to write concerning the topic and if I'm not ready to start putting those ideas down immediately, I end up losing a lot of it or just not write it the exact same way I had thought of it when it first crossed my mind.

So I tend to get ready to write and then read the topic, which was what I did today but surprisingly, I ended up with nothing. You see, today's topic is one of those that really shouldn't cause any brainstorming for anyone to have something to write about. The moment I was done reading the topic description, in my head I was like "ohh this is going to be a good one" but then I noticed something, I noticed that although this topic looked like a walk in the park, nothing was happening upstairs in my brain.

Usually this is the part where I just start writing non-stop, ignoring all of the spelling errors and all that because I'm trying to keep up with the amount of ideas pouring out of my head. But when I noticed that none of that was going to happen, I decided to try to force my brain to work, you know, unlike other times where it works on its own, I decided to be intentional and actually think.

That too didn't work, so instead of adding more pressure or doing whatever people do when they have to force their brains to work, I decided to think about the problem and ask my brain why it had refused to do the cool thing it does whenever I first read any topic without having to think hard about it.

_{Photo by Ben Sweet}

The answer I got though made me feel bad for a second but then I thought about it some more and realized that maybe that isn't a bad thing afterall. You see, the contest basically asks us to tell a story about the one time we went to great length to protect or provide for our loved ones. Now that is a very sensitive topic, one that could make you feel like shit if you don't have a great story to tell like me.

But you see, I do have stories to tell, I just don't see them as something great because to me, there were merely favours that I did for the people I love, things that I consider to be little favours. Which was why I felt bad at first because my first thought had been "Ohhh you're selfish and only care about yourself which is why you have nothing good to write about" but you see that wasn't it.

Now that I've had time to think about it, the reason why I don't have any amazing stories to tell is because I've never found myself in such a situation before where I had to help someone or provide for them in a huge way. Maybe I have, I just can't think of any right now. And if that's the case, then that doesn't mean that I'm a bad person who doesn't like to protect or provide for someone, I just haven't found myself in that position yet but I'm sure that when I do, I would be willing and ready to help.