Houdini’s Final Act
Lately, I've been having this strange urge of wanting to disappear. For some reason, I no longer feel the need to be seen by people I know and I just want to go away for a while, to a place where it's just me and strangers that I've never met and probably would never meet again when I leave that new place, and just live there for a while.
Why? I honestly have no idea, it's just a feeling, one that I've come to realize might just be a phase, a dissappearance phase I call it. And the reason why I say it's a phase is because earlier today, I was telling my friend about how I feel and how I wanted to delete my social media account which basically is just my WhatsApp account (because that's where I'm more active) and just go away for a while, travel to a place I've never been before and stay for at least a month and two.
He had looked at me and smiled, telling me he too had felt the same way in the past and would sometimes not come online for days just so that he could try to distance himself from the outside world (more like escape it). I honestly don't know if having that kinda feeling is a good thing or if I should be doing the opposite of it and inviting people over or going to sit with friends even if I don't want to.
Although I feel that would be a bad idea because lately, ever since I started having this feeling, I've come to realize that I've started pushing away certain people who mean a lot to me. I no longer filter my words and would say certain things even though I know they would hurt that person. I'm not being rude, just annoyingly truthful lately.. Sadly not everyone wants the truth to be told to them like it's black and white.
Anyways, if I had the resources, I probably would have gone on a solo trip, turn off my phone and just leave without telling anyone anything. I feel that when I do come back, there's this feeling I would get, a new feeling, almost like I'm starting afresh with the same old people, and I feel like it would be good for me.
Well, just like I read somewhere about Houdini’s Final Act where he made a bunch of stuff, even a lady disappear, that is what I want to do.. I want to dissappear and hopefully come back a new me.
The feeling you are experiencing is quite natural. I also feel the same way sometimes but getting disconnected from social media doesn't work well as well as I know. I think you need some time for yourself and you can go for a trips with your friends. It may help you.
But isn't going with friends also defeating the purpose of wanting to be alone? I just feel like whatever I do decide to do, it has to be just me.