Confused Introvert
I live quite a lonely life (although it's not as bad as this sentence makes it to be), it's not something I want for myself but it's the way I've been programmed (thanks dad). Throughout my childhood, I always made sure to not go too far or go to parties with my friends because I saw the way my dad treated my elder brothers whenever they did. It's not like the constant ass whooping stopped them, they just got more creative with the way they partied and also learned to always be home on time before our old man starts looking for them.
But it was already too late for me, I was scarred and the fear just wouldn't let me do anything I wasn't suppose to. So I just lived by the book. And it remained like that even after high-school. I remember how everyone would be at work and I would be the only one at home, feeling extremely bored and yet I would refuse to step out the door. My dad would always use me as a good example when talking to the rest of my siblings but deep down, all of it was messing me up.
Now that I stay on my own, my social life is messed up. And the worse of it all is that introvert are naturally good with communicating with people online because that's the only place they feel free, well not me. I get tired easily and the whole conversation takes no time to get boring to me. So now I'm just a dude who doesn't go outside and also doesn't like chatting online, almost like an Alpha introvert.
I said "almost" because unlike the rest of the introverts, I do have friends, we just don't see often due to work and busy schedules. But yesterday, we had all agreed to meet up and hangout and trust me when I say that was the best five hours of my life that I've had in months.
So you see, I enjoy the company of friends, I just don't know how to make friends, and I think that takes me from an Alpha introvert to a confused one. I know I've said it before that I'm working on it and I want to believe that I am but for now, the only solution I can think of is getting a close friend, one who isn't shy to walk up to strangers and talk like they've been friends for years.
Having a friend like that would feel like having someone who has the superpower of opening many doors of possibilities for me, because I've come to discover that I'm good with holding conversations, I just can't start them. So right now, all I need is someone igniting the car while I just press down on the pedal and we're good to go.
It is never too late to learn how to make friends
You can start from somewhere
Being an introvert is cool because you can have your privacy and all but at the same time, it may not be helpful. Engagement is life!
Being an introvert is extremely lonely, especially when you live alone and don't even chat online.
I think you don't need a friend to make a little change because I think you can do it yourself without the help of anyone. I am confident because I was able to make it. But there is still exist a question is that are you sure you want to change a little bit. I have doubts about it😅.
I think I want to.. I just don't have the courage enough to make that change.
Thank you.