African Parents

_{Photo by Annie Spratt}

Most relationships between African parents and their kids are built more on fear than actual respect. They make us scared of them because that makes us do what they want, unfortunately many of us always mistake that for being respectful when it's just pure fear. And this is the difference between us and the western world, while they try to talk some sense into their kids whenever the kid messes up, ours will beat the sense into you. So next time when you think of repeating that same offence, the fear of getting beat stops you from doing it.

Now if you ask me, that's a very effective way to train a child, but what happens when that person is no longer a child. What happens when that person is no longer scared? This is why most kids ends up going astray or choosing a different path from their parents when they grow older because now, the fear, the one thing that has always made them behave, is no longer there.

Unfortunately, most African parents don't realize thia and that is why they keep talking to us the same way they used to talk to us as kids. They keep yelling at us, trying to make us feel the same fear we've always felt as kids instead of reasoning with us, which is a big mistake , because this time it's different.

You see I was speaking to my dad on the phone the other day and it was one of those serious conversations where I usually would say Yes sir to everything he was saying to me but then I found myself having a more matured conversation instead. I found myself respectfully objecting to some things he was saying and at the end of the day, we both came to an agreement. I'm sure he also noticed it but didn't point it out because he too knew that that change was expected.

But not all African parents knows this and some of them would see it as their kid challenging them and then they try to force their opinions on that person and if the child happens to be someone who refuses to bend to his or her parents will no more, that would create a barrier between parent and child.

So while training your child with fear might be super active at a young age, parents need to realize that it's far better to make your child see reasons and understand the things you're teaching them rather than just force them to do what you want because a day is coming where you won't be able to force them anymore and the only thing that would make them listen and obey the things you've thought them is understanding.