How Malaria has Made Me and a Few Others Big Bosses and Created a Whole New Elite Class of Bosses
Hello, its your man Nevies, I usually joke and play around with you but today you would do well to call me 'boss' and accord me some increased respect because thanks to malaria I am part of an elite class of bosses. I mean, look, all my life I thought I'd have to become rich and famous to be this big a boss only for malaria to throw it on my laps out of the blues. Goddamn!
So, how did malaria do this? What is Nevies talking about? Straight up I'll tell you: I have an 'AA genotype!' and a lot of people might not know the implication or what's the big deal with having that so I'll explain:
There are four genotypes in humans: AC, AA, AS and SS. The AC is the rarest and one of the worst because it has sickle cell trait, the carrier won't develop sickle cell but can pass it to his offspring. The AA on the other hand is the best because it doesn't have sickle cell at all and can't pass it, but it is very susceptible to malaria.
Millions of years ago/in the beginning all humans were AA but because of it's susceptibility to malaria the human body evolved the genotype 'AS' and the AS genotype is immune to malaria. But this AS genotype the human body evolved over the years has a big problem which is a deadly disease called sickle cell anemia. Someone with the AS genotype does not have sickle cell but if someone with AS make a baby with someone else who has AS, usually their baby would have sickle cell (SS genotype).
Sickle Cell is one of the worst diseases in the world, the list of things sufferers suffer include: attacks of pain, anemia, swelling in the hands and feet, bacterial infections, stroke, stroke, aseptic bone necrosis, gallstones, leg ulcers, priapism, pulmonary hypertension, vision problems, kidney problems. And 50-80% of the carriers die before the age of 5 according to this research. Although there are many treatments that help sufferers to cope there is no cure except a bone marrow transplant which is risky, very costly and hardly accessible.
Malaria that began all this is caused by mosquitoes that are only found in Africa, Asia and South America, so that tells you that the AS genotype which the human body evolved in order to be immune to malaria can be found only in Africans, Asians and South Americans.
In reality, though, according to Wikipedia it is mainly found in sub-Saharan Africa, tribal regions of India, and the Middle East. The humans whose bodies evolved this genotype and their descendants. So if you are from anywhere else in the world and your blood test shows you have the AS genotype just know you have ancestors from one of these places, especially Africa.
So back to the boss thing..
In Nigeria where I live malaria has always been dominant, so it is one of the countries with the most AS genotype carriers, and since an AS and another AS can't marry as their children would have the deadly sickle cell disease, we the AA genotype carriers are something of a hot cake.
The AS people have to be mindful who they date and hang around with because they shouldn't fall in love with another AS person and have to marry them. The AS people usually ask about your genotype before they get serious with you and basically all they seek is someone with AA genotype. Motherfuckers like me...
This might sound like a strange struggle to some of you from different parts of the world, but there you have it. Also not only AS people try to marry AA people, other AA people want to marry AA too because if AA marries AA they would have AA children but if AA marries AS they would not have children with sickle cell but they would have some who are AS and their AS children would have to suffer the pain of being mindful of who they date/marry.
In Nigeria there are thousands of memes that reflects all these:
And my personal favorite:
So, that's it right there, I'm an eligible bachelor and I'm AA, motherfuckers like me are an elite class in Nigeria as you've seen, we are Nigerian
princes bosses, biatch! I've had girls come around once they find out I am AA: 'So you're AA', they say and I get into mafia boss mode: I lean back, cross my legs, pull out a cigar and light it. Then I inhale and blow into the air slowly and deliberately.
'Yes I am, how may I help you, young lady?' I ask.
I'm thinking of setting up an office for this shit. Then put a signboard outside that says:
Handsome Eligible AA Genotype Bachelor Inside Looking for a Wife. Go in, Compete via a Blowjob Audition and See if you Qualify. May the Force be With You.
Then I'll hire a secretary to be in the waiting room. Girls from all over Nigeria would come there.
GIRLS: Good day, ma'am.
SECRETARY: Good day, how may I help you?
GIRLS: We're here for the blowjob audition, please.
SECRETARY: OK, Boss Nevies is on the seat in the next office, you all would have to go in one by one, form a queue by the door please. [The girls begin a tussle at the door] Please, please, ladies, easy, quit the rush, everyone would get their chance.
Then when a girl gets in to find me reclined on my office seat like a boss:
GIRL: Good day, Sir.
ME: Call me boss Nev😎
GIRL: I'm sorry, boss Nev.
ME: [Pulling out a cigar, lighting and puffing slowly in boss fashion] No need to apologise, its in the past now, let's move forward, Martin Luther King Jr said we can't move forward looking backwards 😎.
GIRL: [Blushing and thinking out loud] Such a deep motherfucker.
ME: What did you say?
ME: Well, I heard something, I'm not hallucinating am I?
GIRL: No, boss.
ME: So tell me what it was you said.
GIRL: I just thought out loud, that you're really deep.
ME: [Mature giggle] Well, only one depth matters today. [Zips down]
Oh, shit! And after one city I can go to another city, and then another and get auditions performed on my black AA rod from many different girls.. Ah shit, this life of a boss.