Felt good to be dead.
Seldom did I know It would get this way. Through the thrive and the hard work. It all worked out for my good!
This was definitely the best day of my life so far. I never thought I'd make it this far because of the constant stigmatization and degradation. Not like I was the one behind it all. I didn't create myself for crying out loud. I was born to see it how everyone saw it. Disabled.
I was born disabled. Funny fact is that I was the only kid in my community with this disability. I had two freaking strange disabilities. First, Aphantasia, this had to do with my mind. I couldn't make up any pictures or images in my mind. It was just blank up there and the second was 'mirror touch synaesthesia' according to the doctor. This had to do with me physically feeling what other people feel. Take for instance, I saw people hugging, I would feel the hugs too. That is why I tried as much as possible to avoid violent scenes.
It was all so messed up. I woke up everyday dreading my next step. I couldn't even imagine how I wanted my day to be. But one thing I was sure of was, I wanted to get a degree and I just did.
My medical conditions were very weird no doubt, propelling my stigmatization. Almost everyone knew about my conditions and they thought it was contagious, when it wasn't. Their thoughts kept them away from me, lucky them. I went about my life feeling stigmatized.
I had a lot of suicidal thoughts no doubt and it was sickening. I didn't even care about anything anymore apart from my education. Like I mentioned earlier, I was born with it, yet, none of my parents or siblings had it. It seems like it just came from nowhere and I was it's ultimate target.
I lived everyday like it was my last because I didn't know what could happen next. Would I see someone get shot and also die? At least I could reason. My lecturers saw me as a dullard, my parents didn't even like me. It felt like I was an outsider in my own home. Not to even talk about my siblings.
I decided to take a chance at education and see where the road led. I did. I saw where it led. It was surely a bumpy road but all well, I scaled through. I was so happy. I couldn't wait to relate the message to my family. I didn't know how they would take it. Probably they'd tell me to speak from a distance as usual. We always kept a 6m distance because they too thought that I was toxic.
I ran home and found everyone in the sitting room.
"Mom! Dad! Guess what!"
They all gave me the 'what is it again you toxic soul' look
I wasn't dissuaded. I kept on talking. I told them how happy I was that I just got my degree. I just freaking graduated!.
Mom said "okay" with an emotionless face. Dad gave me a thumbs up while he was still watching the news and my siblings weren't even listening.
By this time in my life, I was supposed to be used to these reactions but this time it hit differently. I was broken. I stormed out of the house to get some fresh air. I was so angry. I went to school so that I could surprise them. I did it all for them. I expected them to give me a little acknowledgement!.
The road felt lonely. I needed to hear some noise and so I proceeded to the highway. Cars passing up and down. Noises and all. I spotted a pizza joint and said it wouldn't be so much of a bad idea if I gave myself a little treat. I kept walking angrily and I made to cross the road.
Seems I was in another dimension. I was dead!. I was a ghost! That news was supposed to be a scary and terrific one but I seemed happy. I was a freaking ghost. I started doing my victory dance. Ateast, other ghosts would accept me for who I am… or not. Peace please. Felt good to be dead.