Is the relationship between father and son really one of Causality?

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The first time I opened a dictionary as a child, was to check up the dictionary meaning of the word BASTARD

I wasn't surprised when I read that it meant a child without a father. I believed it. I would have been shocked if it meant something different.

I can't quite remember where I was born, or if my father and my mother ever lived together as husband and wife. It will be okay to say I never saw any wedding pictures, or even a picture of them together, and by that, I mean till date.

No one has ever told me the circumstances that led to my birth, all I know is that my father wasn't entirely happy that he was saddled with the responsibility of catering for me, for a child he wasn't sure was his.

I know this because, for every glass that fell off my hands and broke, came my new name BASTARD, accompanied by whips from electric wire, leaving me physical and emotional scars to this day.

I saw a post one day on Facebook, a young man wrote, thanking his father for all the beatings he gave him while he was growing up, he further stated that those beatings shaped him into becoming who he is.

I felt happy, that someone could talk about his father's beatings shaping him, I wish mine were just beatings, I wish they didn't come with vile utterances and verbal abuses that torment me at night even now that I have become an adult.

" I don't know where your mother got pregnancy from and brought to me", this statement became a favorite song that has been put on an everlasting repeat.

Now, don't get me wrong. I never went hungry even for a day. There was always plenty to eat.

But where can one, whose soul constantly sought solitude get the appetite to eat? Food tasted bitter and water became vinegar.

Living in constant fear and anticipating the next beating, the next BASTARD and the next " pack your bags, you are going back to your mother".

I went to the best schools, I was considered a rich kid, but not once did I open my mouth to ask for what other kids had, that I wanted.

I would hide in the toilet and rehearse the lines with which I would ask my father when he comes back, only to mumble words and stutter until he went to bed, I couldn't say a word.

The sound of my father's car as he drove into the compound would send shivers down my spine and urine trickling down my thighs when I was sure I did nothing wrong.

I wore the best clothes, we went by McDonalds every Sunday, and Pizza was as frequent as breakfast, but somehow, it never took away the bitterness in my heart.

The loneliness. The fear and emptiness. It was just " welcomes and good mornings".

The longest discussions happened when someone comes looking for my father and I had to tell him, this was something I always wanted to happen, it deluded me to think that it could bring us closer.

It didn't.

It took me years, to learn to not be afraid of my dad, even as an adult, I remember I still got startled if he came into a room I was in unannounced.

It's impossible to imagine a family in which Causality doesn't affect, especially when we talk about the relationship between the children and their parents.

A lot of parents, out of the good and sacrifice of their hearts, think that providing food, shelter, clothing, and putting a child through school is all a child desires.

No emotional connection.

There are parents, especially fathers, who have never communicated with their children about anything.

They know nothing about their children. What they like, what they want.

A father is supposed to be the pillar of the emotional wellbeing of his child, no matter the circumstances surrounding the child's birth.

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Causality

Some children grow up wishing they were aborted when they got conceived.

Keep in mind that it is very impossible to distort the internalized relational layout that forms when children are quite young.

While it is possible, it often takes high levels of wisdom, as well as a crucial psychotherapeutic intervention to change these deep-rooted and often unconscious mental pathways.

When a child feels out of place in his father's house, there is a tendency for that child to feel inadequate or unaccepted.

They go into society and can't stand up for themselves, they become loners and marry depression, and guess the effect this emotional trauma has on the society at large.

A father is supposed to stimulate inner growth and strength in a child, according to studies, when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being, belonging, and self-confidence.

How would a thing like that happen when a father calls the child a bastard at the slightest provocation because he probably wasn't ready for a child at the time of the immaculate conception?

It took me a greater part of my adult years to get over the trauma that came with having to come from a broken home.

I forgave everyone and moved on with my life, picking up the little pieces that were left until I found my voice, my identity, and my path.

Fathers do not only impact who we are inside, but how we have bonds with people as we grow. The way a father treats his child will impact what he or she looks for in other people.

Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child perceived the meaning of the relationship with his or her father. The patterns a father sets in the relationships with his children will dictate how his children relate with other people.

A child that is raised in an abusive home is a threat to societal growth.

The function of a father in the family is extremely important to their child or children's psychological and physical wellbeing. When a child has a decent relationship with a father figure, they tend to grow up to have higher levels of psychological health, as well as better quality relationships.

The things that are said to a child as he grows up, would reflect in the life of an adult, an adult who was that child.

It leads me to the point where I state that being in a romantic relationship is one thing, another thing is understanding that a child might be the result in the process.

Sometimes a child you are not prepared for.

Question is...

Are you ready to be a father?

Are you ready to mother?

What will the effect of your parenting be on your children?

What direction will Causality be taking in the course of your parental relationship?

If you were to be divorced, will that be the end of your child's or children's happiness?

Are you ready to deal with the frustration from the current hike in commodities, such as baby diapers?

Will you be humane enough not to vent or transfer aggression on the innocent infant, knowing that how you act, and what you say around him might haunt him for years?

Don't bring a child into this world if you won't talk to that child, if there is not going to be something as affordable as communication and emotional connection between you and that child, then lets God's creation be.

The world is already filled with too many lonely kids, roaming the streets, with no father figures or role models, because their parents didn't have the time to decided if they wanted to be parents.

It is easier to raise strong children than to repair broken men.

I repaired my broken self.

If you watch closely, you will notice the Causality that rides the street in the form of broken men and children

Those who couldn't repair their broken selves are the reasons some of us don't sleep at night.

Others have been so disconnected that they sought succor outside and met their untimely end.

Watch out for the cause of your outburst in the presence of your children, and reflect upon the effect it has on them.

You should aim at leaving this world better than you met it and not worse.

Let's raise strong children together if we must bring them into the world.

PS: the story used in this context is fictional, I love writing in the first person most times.

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Nice piece of article. Every one has different views of how they see their father. In my opinion fathers are extremely important in the society but aren’t give enough credit

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Nice piece of article. Every one has different views of how they see their father. In my opinion fathers are extremely important in the society but aren’t give enough credit

Yes, fathers do not get enough credit as you have said


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Wow,this is wonderful for you and you have really done well with this article,juts like you said this is a fiction,which mean they are not what really happened to you,but you have spoken the mind or the situation of do many people inside and outside of this platform.

It is very essential that parents too see this and let me say most especially father's,even mother's too have a role to play,maybe through standing up for their children at some point to help them overcome situations like this.

Their is always a saying which I don't really agreed with

When one of the parent is disciplining the child,the other one should support

Yes many this may be true ,but the level at which it as affected lot of children is in what you have you have said here.

This understanding that the father provide for the house should be erased,fine it is true,but that is not only what the father should do , cause they have this mindset that once they give what the house needs to those in the house,they have done their patt,which is totally Wrong

The level of abuse that so many children grew up with as leads them into lot of things that they should not have ever been ,if their emotions were properly read and noticed.

Just like you said

When a child feels out of place in his father's house, there is a tendency for that child to feel inadequate or unaccepted.

Definitely what to you have to gain again or what sort of hope to do you have again ,when you are hearing statement or words that makes you feel unwanted in your own father house and they is why lot of children today as become something else in the society.

It is very important that our parents should study their children well enough and even father's show know that fathering goes beyond providing for the house in terms of shelter


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Wow,this is wonderful for you and you have really done well with this article,juts like you said this is a fiction,which mean they are not what really happened to you,but you have spoken the mind or the situation of do many people inside and outside of this platform.

Yes, this is very true

And I agree with all the points that you have raised. Thanks for contributing, sire


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Unfortunately this happens nowadays...
Surely a child only expects love from their country, in fact as children we don't even understand what money means, we just want to be accepted and loved.

And the biggest problem with this comes when we enter adulthood, dealing with the past in memory is not good, dealing with the psychological side is difficult. How to forgive a past full of psychological abuse, isn't it? Money is not everything !


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Unfortunately this happens nowadays...
Surely a child only expects love from their country, in fact as children we don't even understand what money means, we just want to be accepted and loved.

Yes, children just want to be loved and accepted by their parents and loved ones.

And the biggest problem with this comes when we enter adulthood, dealing with the past in memory is not good, dealing with the psychological side is difficult. How to forgive a past full of psychological abuse, isn't it? Money is not everything !

This is why we need to be watchful about the things we do or say to our children


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I had to read this post more than once to be sure it wasn't really actually your story because it felt real. You entered the shoes of that person and literally brought me with you.

You are right the love of a father can not be less appreciated or even contented with. A little kid at a tender age sees his father as his super hero , his knight in shining armor and immediately he starts to feel or sense hostility, hatred, lack of love and so on, that child starts to retire to himself, hide from the world, become broken and that leads us to cause and effect.

As a little kid growing up I used to fear my father, his anger issues got the better of him and whenever he was drunk he ended up staying hurtful things, doing hurtful things that actually almost created a wall between us. I could hardly tell him anything, as a young man growing I could hardly ask him anything about what was happening to my hormones. I just kept to myself and he started to call me weak, unproductive, lazy, then there was too many comparison with other kids. It really killed my self esteem, made me less confident, outspoken and a lot of opportunities passed me by.

I can't believe we would be talking father , child love with a word such as casuality. You really nailed it like I knew you would.

Goodluck on the contest. I hope you win ❤️😌


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I had to read this post more than once to be sure it wasn't really actually your story because it felt real

Lol. I am not boasting but I have the best father in the world

You entered the shoes of that person and literally brought me with you.

I am proud of myself for being able to do that

You are right the love of a father can not be less appreciated or even contented with. A little kid at a tender age sees his father as his super hero , his knight in shining armor and immediately he starts to feel or sense hostility, hatred, lack of love and so on, that child starts to retire to himself, hide from the world, become broken and that leads us to cause and effect.

I am glad that you could relate

As a little kid growing up I used to fear my father, his anger issues got the better of him and whenever he was drunk he ended up staying hurtful things, doing hurtful things that actually almost created a wall between us. I could hardly tell him anything, as a young man growing I could hardly ask him anything about what was happening to my hormones. I just kept to myself and he started to call me weak, unproductive, lazy, then there was too many comparison with other kids. It really killed my self esteem, made me less confident, outspoken and a lot of opportunities passed me by.

I am so sorry about your experiences, but, I hope that you have grown passed everything that happened

I can't believe we would be talking father , child love with a word such as casuality.

I never knew we would too.. 😁

You really nailed it like I knew you would.

Hehehhe..... Stop pulling my legs

Goodluck on the contest. I hope you win ❤️😌

Thank you very much, dear.... I hope so too


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Glad that you made sure to tell your readers that this is just a creative piece or you would have landed up with much advice and comforting messages.
Taking responsibility for ones action whether it was a mistake or a conscious decision is very important for humans.
If a father calls his son a bastard he seriously needs to have his head checked.
The words we spew out can do so much more harm than we realize.
I was surprised to read your post as we seem to have chosen similar subjects but dealt them from very different angles.
Great story.

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Glad that you made sure to tell your readers that this is just a creative piece or you would have landed up with much advice and comforting messages.

Hahaha.... I had to

Taking responsibility for ones action whether it was a mistake or a conscious decision is very important for humans.

Yet, most of us shy away from doing so. It feels comforting to pass blames here and there

If a father calls his son a bastard he seriously needs to have his head checked

Lol, I think I know a place 😁

The words we spew out can do so much more harm than we realize.

Yes, words builds and at the same time, destroys, we have to be careful

I was surprised to read your post as we seem to have chosen similar subjects but dealt them from very different angles.

Oh, yes, that's true. Judging people and passing blames, here and there, forgetting that everyone is held responsible for his or her actions

This is a clear indication that the spirit gossips... Lol

Great story.

Thanks, mummy Sofs ❤️


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You penned this with much wisdom.
Indeed, a father figure has a lot of influence on the child. Even though mothers tend to be closer to their kids, children always tend to take after their father in character and personality. I'm grateful for the kind of father I got.


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(Edited)

Another Dragnet story

The story you've just heard is true. Only the names were changed to protect the innocent.

I fell for it and was thinking, "Oh, I wonder why @edystringz spilled their guts today?" Everyone has family problems but not many are so candid.

There a cause and effect relationship between parents and children. It takes a lot to break the mold. If that was you in the story I would say it is not going to be easy to be different from your father. Somehow kids follow the bad things we do a lot quicker and somehow miss the good things we do.


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I fell for it and was thinking, "Oh, I wonder why @edystringz spilled their guts today?" Everyone has family problems but not many are so candid.

Ooops...... Sorry..... I hope you didn't hurt yourself 😁

There a cause and effect relationship between parents and children. It takes a lot to break the mold.

You are very correct

If that was you in the story I would say it is not going to be easy to be different from your father.

No, sir, if I am allowed to boast, I had the best father in the world 🙈

Somehow kids follow the bad things we do a lot quicker and somehow miss the good things we do.

It's true..... I have watched it play out, again and again in people's lives.

Thanks alot for your comment, sir


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(Edited)

It's funny how you think you know someone, at least a bit, only to realize that you know nothing about the pains trapped under the person's skin. Our skins is indeed a mask. They cover up emotions we don't want to let out. A lot of people are in the menace outlined here.

That my emotions were triggered will be an understatement.

If tears was so easy for me, I should be soaked in it's pool right now.

But my heart is what's bleeding instead. Just few lines through, I started pacing the length of my room.

Parenting is such a task.

I'm ready to live this life without a kid instead of raising one without proper emotional, spiritual, and educational nurturing.

As for children and adults in the kind of condition portrayed here, I wish I can reach out to them and give them a long hug. Just to tell that it will be fine

@edystringz this is both thoughtful and creative. I'm it isn't your your condition though. Lol


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It's funny how you think you know someone, at least a bit, only to realize that you know nothing about the pains trapped under the person's skin.

This is why you should always look for a "behind the scenes" of every person you meet..... It will tell you a lot about them, and how strong they are

They cover up emotions we don't want to let out. A lot of people are in the menace outlined here.

Yes, thousands of people out there are living in this dilemma on a daily basis

That my emotions were triggered will be an understatement.
If tears was so easy for me, I should be soaked in it's pool right now.
But my heart is what's bleeding instead. Just few lines through, I started pacing the length of my room

I am sorry this made you hyperactive......I didn't plan to hurt you nor your heart 😩

I'm ready to live this life without a kid instead of raising one without proper emotional, spiritual, and educational nurturing.

Hehehe.... Don't worry, I know you will be a good father 😊

As for children and adults in the kind of condition portrayed here, I wish I can reach out to them and give them a long hug. Just to tell that it will be fine

They are around you, you just need to look closely

this is both thoughtful and creative. I'm it isn't your your condition though. Lol

Lol..... Thanks honey 😊


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Really good entry for this week's wotw. I was literally gripped. The emotion was real. How you wrote this without it being a 1st hand experience....well that's pure talent. Well done for getting inside the character's skin and soul.


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Smiles.... I am glad I could take you through this emotional lane and bring you back to reality..... Hehehehe

I am just pulling your legs

Well done for getting inside the character's skin and soul.

Thanks 😍


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