1/17/23
Lots of daydreaming lately. I just feel like I can taste the freedom of being financially independent even though I'm a bit far overall. I just really feel like I can see it happening. Slowly.
But I can make it happen faster man, I know it.
Anyone on Hive can man.
When I think about my life of not having to worry about an hourly wage, not have to worry about being bossed around, it's a really euphoric feeling.
I'm not even going to let myself talk myself down and be negative. This is happening and it's just up to me.
At work, there's a lot of former (maybe even current, what do I know?) addicts and/or criminals. While I can't say I get along with everyone or relate to everyone, I don't not either.
I often forget that my mom would pretty much lock me in my room for days with literally nothing. Barely was fed, nobody spoke to me, hot summers no AC. Just books and the radio if I kept it low. No family or friends.
It really was like prison. It wasn't like a grounding either. It was zero doing anything, zero leaving the room.
It's weird looking back on it. I don't hate that it happened, def don't like it, but it is what it is.
Funny thing is, none of my family would ever fully believe me or care. There were literally zero witnesses LOL. It hurts when they don't care about that stuff. Their nonchalant attitude toward this always really really bothered me. It almost like tricked me into thinking what happened wasn't that bad, but then I remeber how horrible those times really were. I can't blame them anymore.
I guess I was more like in solitary confinement.
I get it. Not real jail. I'm not saying it's the same. But there are pretty fair similarities I believe.
This would happen from like, age 10-14 whenever I upset mom.
It's funny remembering that stuff I don't like to remember it LOL.
Thinking about my childhood, work, and what I want for my future. I just want to be free in every sense of the word.
I want me and my boy to be free together.
Just thinking I guess.
Probably why this channel fascinates me sometimes.
Src
I don't know what this post was, but I think I found a weird sense of purpose. I think maybe I know why I'm so mentally SCREWED sometimes. I think I know how I found Hive.
I deserve some good things to happen finally.