3/1/21 Forgotten but, loved.
My father forgot about me when he passed away, my mom forgot about me when he died. A lot of people ignore or forget me. My brother and sister left and forgot about me. Everyone has a hard time though, I understand that.
I may have felt, and still feel at times, forgotten. But I do believe all the people who forgot about me love me.
I'm lucky and things could be way worse.
Just because I don't always feel the love, doesn't mean the love isn't there. What do I expect, really? For everyone to just shower me with love? Awwwwwkward.
I never really fit in because I always felt like friends should be super close or something. My first and only friend for a long time was someone I was very close with and spent a lot of time with together, I thought that was how all friends were to each other.
Whenever I made a new friend or something I thought they didn't like me because that's how I imagined friendships were. I was too loyal really. To a fault. These awkward social encounters made me feel further forgotten.
My handful of relationships have failed and further forgotten I feel sometimes.
I just need to understand the nature of life and lead by example. Let friendships and relationships happen without forcing it. Be my own man and whoever sticks around, sticks around.
When I become more of a success I will make sure the people who care about me and I care about never ever feel forgotten.
All love and kindness.
That's truly always been the goal. I often imagine becoming successful and giving money to the people in my life. Money or just cool gifts, both.
I understand money and material items doesn't equate to real love/affection. But I don't believe it's worthless.
Of course moral character is way more valuable and important than anything.
But what I want to do is help my family a certain handful of friends to feel taken care of and not stressed.
If I can do that that would be a beautiful and massive achievement.
I don't expect to be Mr. Rich Guy just showering money but I would love to be a rock for everyone.
I will be a good kind man that makes sure everyone I care for feels safe and secure. I'm not gonna make everyone be couch potatoes and spoil everyone, but I'll try to be helpful.
Perhaps I'll even try to do this anonymously. At least somewhat. So nobody starts becoming expectant and demanding and things go sour or whatever.
I'm not feeling particularly romantic lately but I believe one day I will. I do want a normal relationship of happiness one day.
Instead of being angry or depressed about the sad aspects of my life I'm going to use it as motivation.
I don't want anyone to feel forgotten.
Love and worth is all I want to give.
I picture leaving money at my mom's house. Hitting up some old really good friends and just low-key surprising them.
Just rewarding everyone that has been a part of my life positively in anyway.