Overcoming My Fear

_{Photo by Melanie Wasser}

I've come to realize that I tend to be more bold and more outspoken whenever I'm angry. It's as if my body has someone found a way to convert the anger into boldness and I like it so much because I happen to be someone who don't exhibit a lot of boldness most of the time. Like I wouldn't let you bully me or anything like that but if I happen to find myself in a situation where I don't really have to talk but should talk, I most times choose not to because it's not really a very important issue that requires my input.

It sucks sometimes but I always console myself with the fact that I didn't talk not because I was scared to but because I just didn't want to. And this is because I feel like there's a huge difference between not talking when you should talk because you're not bold enough to and choosing not to talk not because you're scared (or not bold enough), but because you feel like whatever you have to say at that point isn't really necessary and if it was, you would have said it.

I think everyone just does what works for them but if you happen to be one of those guys who get scared to speak up even when they should, then you should work on yourself.

I happen to be doing the same thing (working on myself) presently because I've come to realize that I'm not really good at public speeches. I have to prepare myself more than usual or else I find myself stuttering and finding it difficult to say some certain things.

I so much hate the feeling that one thing I did was make a bet with myself that no matter how difficult it gets, there never shall be a day where I go up on stage or any podium and mess up while trying to speak to a number of people.

I made this bet with myself during one of the many seminars I did during my first year in school. This lecturer had give everyone different topics to go read up and present to the class. Everyone will come and stand right in front of the whole class to talk in detail what they've read and understood on that topic.

I remember going over everything I've written and memorized countless times because of how scared I was. The whole of my body was shaking and I was sweating profusely. One look at me and anyone could tell I was not myself. And when it finally got to my turn to present, I took in three deep breath. Breathing in deeply has always has a way of calming me even for a brief second, so I had done that three times and just started to talk.

The whole class was in front of me but for that few minute that I stood up there, I saw no one. It was just me and the thoughts of everything I've memorized.

And when I was done and said "thank you", the applause I got from everyone was all the certification I needed to know that I've done really well. It is a moment I will never forget.