What life have actually given me

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Have you ever been in a situation that you thought you can’t see yourself being happy again? Like yourself just died together with the most important people in your life?

Never in my wildest imagination I have imagined that I would be in this situation. We were happy, we are at our happiest. We’re not that perfect as a family but we’re happy.

My parents strived hard to send us three to school. We’ve experienced attending our classes with only 3 pesos for our snacks, though we can still attend classes with it, but as a child who sees her classmates eating their snacks that their parents prepared for them or her classmates buying those colorful snacks that a child would want, 3 pesos is not enough.

I envied my classmates who can buy those beautiful coloring books that sales people used to endorsed in our school. I wanted to own, color, and read the stories of those beautiful princesses.
But 20 pesos? We’d rather buy a food for hungry stomach than those printed papers. I don’t know if it was just me but at a young age I already know where our financial status was. I never asked my parents to buy me those things that I want because I know, the most important thing for them is what we need.

As a child who should be out playing with other kids, I was there helping my parents growing our crops and helping my mom in selling it. We would walk all around three 5 barangays carrying 5 kilos of our crops in my little hands.

It’s heavy for a Grade 3 student but I never complained because my mom is carrying much heavy crops compared to mine. After all what we have carried is sold, we would walk going back to our house under the hot sun to get some more. In the afternoon, we would help our parents in cultivating our crops so that we can harvest more the next day.

That is what my childhood looks like and it change when I was on my 3rd year in high school. I can still remember how my parents would tell us that whatever happens we should finish our studies because that was the only thing that they could give us.

It was all okay not until when they left us. That year everything has changed. I don’t have my beloved mother and father with me anymore. We were left with nothing. I don’t know where to start or if I wanted to continue my life. I would cry every night and would wake up just realizing that we are on our own from that day onward. There was even a time when I can’t look at their coffins and would tell myself that that was all just a dream and that I would wake up anytime soon. I waited but I never woke up. It was all real. My world was shattered into million pieces. There is nothing, no one, who can ease the pain the I was feeling. I lose weight, I would be up late every night and woke up so late. I feel so exhausted from everything and just wanted to end the pain.

It’s been years now. I don’t even know if the wound is already healed. I don’t even know if I already accepted the fact that I am on my own. But one thing is for sure, I already have the courage to continue my life and achieve what my parents dreamed for me.

Where ever the both of you are, I miss you so bad. I love you two.