My bed holds me hostage everyday.... solitude
Someone asks, how is possible for you to stay home all day and not get tired or bored? I couldn't answer. I know even if I did, since it's not the conventional way of doing things, this human will find it weird.
Every day, when I wake up, I stretch and take a hold of my phone, find a book, and start reading. Most times, I stretch, pick a hard copy book by the side of my bed, and dig in.
I don't know about you but I start my morning with a book. On bed. My entire day is affected by the kind of book that I read in the morning, and the lessons I gained from it
So, I make sure I read the right book, depending on what I want my day to look like. If I want a sad day, so I can reflect on all my wrongs and mistakes, I pick up a book that puts me in that mood. An angry mood. A bitter mood. A fury Mood.
If I prefer a jovial and happy day, I reach out and pick a book that opens my mind to gratitude. I relive the memories of all the acts that I have committed, and how each one had opened new doors and avenues for abundance.
If I want to act all deceptive, I read a manipulative book. If I want to stay conscious of my cash flow, I read a finance-inclined book.
With each day, I am living differently, seeing the world through different glasses and perspectives, all in my bed.
My solitude doesn't feel like loneliness, it's an avenue for growth. My mind constantly works web and build castles but not in the air...lol
The castles it builds are one of productivity. I can always end a day productively as a result of things that I was able to accomplish
These days, my solitude is being threatened. I have tons of people barge in, and suddenly want to be around me. I will endure this a few times, but at some point, my nerves will snap.
I am someone who loves my solitude, I cherish it so much that I can go 72 hours without needing the presence of another human. I know it's scary, but, it's how my demeanor works.
Privacy. I value it like no man's business. I can be myself when I am alone. I can falter, and fix it up on my own. I can break down, and get back on my feet. Alone I can conquer lots of territories.
I always feel the next human wouldn't be able to understand when to draw the curtain. Mostly, people are not happy with themselves. They find it rather weird that I can be happy alone.
Most of them try to break into my solitude and inject my emotions with their sadness. They try to make me feel incomplete without company. They make it look that someone asking for space is a bad thing.
It barely bothers me unless they bridge the gap between giving me my space, and trying to change me.
What is so wrong with asking to be alone if I know it's the only way I can be productive?
Asking for solitude ended a beautiful relationship of mine once. But my peace of mind was more important than being in love with someone who doesn't understand me.
Growing up, dad complains I like being on my own too much. I couldn't bring myself to explain to him how productive solitude makes me.
I have learned to do lots of things during the hours I spent with myself. My body is shy of the presence of another. If I am around someone, I won't do certain things. It makes me unproductive because I will begin to feel the human will feel ignored or neglected.
In order not to hurt anyone, I make them know I like being alone.
Isn't this what loving oneself means? Being able to express how you feel at certain times without losing yourself? Or I'm I wrong?
I am very accommodating, but there are times when I need to be on my own.
This is how my bed can hold me hostage every day. We both understand ourselves, she(my bed) understands I need the warmth to function, I understand, she will always be there to provide the comfort needed for a fulfilled solitude.
Away from the pressure of society to conform to their theories, solitude helps me gain perspective, it improves my ability to think clearly.
Nevertheless, I have always tried to make sure I am back in the open society, that way, I do not lose the sense of my limitations, nor lose track of what's happening in the outside world.