Fear, tension and realization

_{Photo by Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu}

Today was my school's matriculation event and although it rained the whole of last night, the event ended up becoming a success. People from far and wide had traveled down to the school to celebrate their kids for successfully getting admission into the university. I had even gone to school to see for myself and the whole place was filled with merriment. There were a lot of food and drinks everywhere, enough to get you filled up.

But you see, although today's a day for celebration, some of the students won't be able to say the same thing a week from now, when the first semester examination starts. The few freshers I had spoken to about the exam all expressed their fear towards it, a feeling I once knew too well.

I remember during my first year exam and how nervous I was. How I had made friends with some smart guys in class because my maths wasn't solid then, which was a problem because more than seventy percent of the courses I was offering at the time had to do with calculations. I attended night classes and did everything I knew I could do to pass, and so did my friends.

But then, when the results came in, that was when the realization set in. We realized that to pass in this institution had nothing to do with what you read or how hard you read, we got introduced to the corruption in the system, one we simply couldn't ignore even though we tried.

Our peers were having really good results while the rest of us who tried to fight the system, to not give bribes, ended up with shitty results. It didn't take too long for us to fold too because it turned out that the corruption had eaten too deep and it wasn't something little kids like us could fight.

After that semester, both the fear and tension was gone, all that was left was the realization. We had settled into the reality of things and had accepted it. Now I find myself missing that feeling, that feeling I used to have during high-school when it was a week to exam. I miss it because aside from the fact that it helps me focus on reading, it also makes interesting exam stories when telling it to friends.

This is why I've refused to tell this freshers the truth, that it's not what they read that's important but the amount of coin in their pocket, so that at least they get to have one good story to tell when it's time, because as soon as they're done with this exam, they too will know the truth.